Carry On Without Me, I'll Be Just Fine

The Area Where I Live

2007-10-28T19:23:00.000-04:00

Sorry, it took so long to make a new post, but things have been psychotic around here. Instead of writing a formal blog entry, the best I can do is post pictures of what it looks like on the top of the mountain that I live on. It's beautiful, I promise.

My iTunes

2007-10-04T21:11:00.000-04:00

You know, I was just looking through my iTunes list today, crossing off songs I don't feel like hearing right now and was shocked at how many songs I have. I'm kind of a nut and my friends all have CDs I "borrow", so I now have over 1900 songs. It's kind of insane to me, but when I go into chat rooms and stuff (which I hardly ever do because of all the crazies out there) people are always telling me that it's not nearly as many as they have. Do what?! You mean you freaky people actually have that many or you just want everyone to think you do? If I were to somehow listen to every single song in my library 24 hours a day, it would take me... uh... like over 4 months. I don't intentionally plan on staying awake that long, by any means. That would probably be a world record, though.

I kind of have an extreme variation in musical taste. Some people just think I can't make my mind up, but I have literally every type of genre (I think...) on this thing. I could give you a list of genres, but as I said before, it might take a while and I'm trying to make this a nice quick post. Genres I have the most of are OK I guess. Uh...

#1 Would have to be Country, because I am a Southern girl after all, but not all the songs in that list are true country either. Some are Bluegrass, some are Southern Rock, you get what I mean... I hope.
#2 Is Rock, because that just encompasses so many different sections like Alternative, Punk, Classic Rock, Oldies, etc.
#3 Is tied oddly enough, but I'll list the one that I might get another tie breaker soon for. Rap-ish. I say Rap-ish, because that covers R&B and Reggae, too. The other one tied for #3 is Techno. That's tied I think, because I have so many house mixes, dance trax and stuff that's very useful for doing stuff to... LOL :P
#4 is Pop, mostly I have this because I am a very retrospective person and I remember all the songs I used to listen to when I was a teenie bopper and some of them have great back beats which I like to clean to...
Rounding out #5 is Classical, because when I don't feel good, you know have a cold or something, it's the only thing that puts me to sleep without me thinking of whether or not I'm going to die that night. No, I'm not depressed, those thoughts only strike me when I'm sick. Psshh!!

Family Curse

2007-09-27T19:25:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I wonder if my family is cursed. Most of the time I just think I am. I wonder, because so many bad things have happened in the very short time I've been alive.

The Beginning

First my mom cheated on my father with some other guy and had a baby that was very very "handicapped", shall we say. They decided to put her up for adoption in 1983, when my mom was pregnant with my little sister and I was one year old. When I was 4, my mother and father split.

Seven

A few years later my older sister (she was 4 years older than me and 5 1/2 years older than my little sis) moved in with my mom stating that she couldn't stand living with my father anymore. My baby sister and I didn't have a choice but to stay with him. About 15 months later my older sister went to court with my mom and testified that my mother should have the right to visitation with us. Everything went OK, I guess, until summer of 1993 came.

Eleven

That summer I was 11. That's the summer I started my menses and that was also the summer I'd attempt to forget every day of the rest of my life. I still attempt. It never works.
My eleventh summer is when my step-father decided to be all gross. I know now what I didn't know then. I was abused. Molested they tell me. In technicality, I was raped. He put his "worm" inside me. I know I was raped. No one can tell me different. The worst part wasn't the rape, though. The second worst part was when I finally got up the nerve to tell my father, that he didn't believe me. I kept coming home that summer crying or upset, and soon, he started to believe it.
My father took me to file charges against my step-father, but I didn't know what to tell the police. I just told them what I'd been telling my father. I told them that I was being touched in places that I only touched in the bathtub. I also asked them what it meant when a person stuck something squishy inside you and it hurt. I explained everything in gory detail. I didn't want to remember, I didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted it all to stop, but I didn't want my mom to hate me, because of it. I was assured that my mother wouldn't hate me if I told them.
So we went to court, and here's the number one worst part, my mother testified on his behalf and called me a little liar! So guess what? He walked! I'd like to see him get away with that kind of thing now. What with all this sex-offender stuff going on. He should be on that list, forever.

Fourteen

So I caused a little strain on my mother's second marriage. Turns out in the end that I wasn't the only one who got abused by him. She did, too. Just in a different way. My mom found out about 3 years later that he'd been cheating on her ever since that year we went to court. There went another marriage for her. The only real bad part to that was watching my 2 half-brothers grow up with no father. They wouldn't have long before they'd have one, though.

Sixteen

I was a good kid, except that my grades sucked and I was officially a teenager. I admit it now, I was a STUPID teenager. I thought having sex was a joke. I learned it wasn't when I found myself pregnant at the ripe old age of sixteen. I wasn't near old enough to take care of a baby and my father wouldn't allow it anyway. I was forced to put my beautiful daughter up for adoption. I didn't want to do it, but I really had no choice. I was told by my father "If you want to keep her, I'll sign emancipation papers for you and you can be on your way, or give her up and I'll allow you to stay here until you graduate." I found out less than 2 years later that that statement was a lie.

Eighteen

About 4 years later my mother started dating her current husband. I was dating a very nice man named Chris. He was substantially older than me, but I loved him. It was mid-March of 2000, in the early morning before school, and my father told me it was time I left. I confronted him about the statement he had made when I was 16 on how he was going to let me stay until I graduated. He said that he faintly remembered something like that, but he wanted me to go, anyway. I asked him how I was expected to graduate. He told me that it was no longer his problem, I was eighteen and I'd have to figure out my own life. I went to school that day, telling all of my friends goodbye and that I didn't know where I'd have to move to. No one believed me. Actually, it was more like no one believed my father could be so cruel. They believed it when they never saw me again. I asked Chris if he could take me in. He told me it wouldn't be a problem considering I already had a job, so I stayed with him. I never thought of going to my mom for help, since she and I weren't very close (for obvious reasons).

Twenty

Chris was wonderful to me and we were planning on being married in 2003. One day when I was coming home from work he snapped. That's all I can think of to call it. He beat me up, accused me of cheating on him, kicked me out onto the street, and told me that if he ever saw me again he'd kill me. I was grief-stricken to the point of madness. I was told by the policeman who picked me up 3 miles north of where I lived at the time, that it would be good for me to seek mental help. I took his advice, knowing I didn't have anywhere else to go. I was admitted to Mount Vernon Hospital, Mental Health Unit 4. I had no way to pay for it. That's one of my larger debt bills currently chilling on my crappy credit report. Guess who got me out when I was cleared for release. Nope. My daughter's biological father, Mike. Mike hooked me back up with Chris. I'd love to kill him for that, but unfortunately I don't know where he is. Turns out that both of us needed some help. He went to Snowden for his treatment. It turns out that he was severely stressed out. I doubt that's the real problem. Chris told me that I should go stay with my mother (we'd gotten closer over the years) because she needed help babysitting the boys. So I did. I dated him again (stupid me) for another 5-6 months before he got on my nerves, so to make sure he never came back, I stole a condom from somewhere (can't really remember now, I think it was from my mom), put a mixture of flour and water in it and left it inconspicuously hanging from the edge of the trash can next to my bed. Just like clockwork, he thought I'd cheated on him, and so, we've never talked since.

Twenty Three

I was in love. Madly in love. Again. Just like Chris, this man was the one, except for his cousin who was hanging around for some unknown reason. Paul was everything I'd ever wanted in a man, except for the fact that he couldn't stay home. I was blind for 3 months, just long enough to get pregnant, and then I found out the truth. The cousin that was hanging around all the time, wasn't his cousin. She was his other girlfriend and, on top of that, the reason why he was never home is because he was also married. He wasn't just cheating on me, he was fucking me over. He kicked me out when his girlfriend noticed that I might be pregnant. Everyone wanted to kill me, and one girl almost did. Elizabeth, Paul's wife, had found out a little background on me and told my ex-before-Paul that I was pregnant with his child. Randy came running when he found out that I was pregnant and homeless. Some might say that's a good thing. Truthfully, I would've been better off in prison. Randy was a drunk. He was a 24-7 drunk which meant that you'd ever know when you had it coming. I was 5 months pregnant and having my ass beat everyday. A few times he'd wake me up with a 2x4 to the back. I couldn't take it anymore and moved in with a 63 year old man, who didn't treat me like that, but cheated on me all the time.

Twenty Four

I didn't care anymore. My life at this point sucked and the only thing I had to look forward to everyday was having my baby. I was having a boy. Creid (pronounced "Kreed") Alan was born early March, 2006 at 31 weeks. I was accused of doing something bad to make him come out so early. I was also accused of not being able to take care of him properly. I had also been turned in by Paul, Donna (his girlfriend), and Elizabeth (his wife) to Social Services stating that I was a druggy and I was unfit to care for him. They wanted to take my baby and raise him in their disgusting love triangle. Not gonna happen. I went through hell, high water, and torrential rains with hurricane force winds to keep my son out of the hands of his biological father. He didn't care about me when I was pregnant, so why care about the baby that was part of me?

Twenty Five

Here I am, today, 25 years old, I've seen my son at least once a month since he's been born, and Paul has never clapped eyes on him in person, nor has any of those other creatures that he's been whoring around with. Many people ask me why I still seem so happy. I tell them, because there's nothing wrong with me that will kill me, and my son is a healthy happy baby who looks more and more like me everyday. There's no reason why I should be bitter or pissed or even depressed, because I have the ability to get everything I want in any given moment.

I wonder if that curse still exists?

Things I've Never Had

2007-09-19T14:39:00.001-04:00

This will be a list meant for you to get to know me a little better and for me to be able to tell you some things you might not know, along with a few pictures to make it all pretty.
I've Never Had...
...the chance to raise my son.
... a "swimsuit model" body.
...a wonderful childhood.
... everything handed to me on a silver platter.
... very much money.
... a home of my own.
... a normal sense of humor.
... a million dollar wardrobe, or, a fashionable wardrobe.
... the ability to wear socks, ever.
... the ability to resist a giant mud hole.
... someone worth marrying.
... a steady job.
... my own doctor.
... gay tendencies.
... a love-handle free body.
... a guy ask me out on a real date.
... a love for soccer.
... an ugly face.
... no hope.
... a life not worth living.
... a pessimistic view.
... an illiterate vocabulary.
... just one Pringle. LOL.
I may add a few things as I think of them.

America's Prison System

2007-09-19T12:32:00.000-04:00

America's prison system is failing, miserably. We have more people in all of our prisons than all the other nations in the world, we have more prisons and jails than any other country (and are building new ones every year). And, believe it or not depending upon where you live, there may be more laws restricting your activities than there are in some communist countries. There are stupid laws still enforced in every state, there are stupid laws in every state that aren't currently enforced, though if one wanted to, they could use those against you, too. I live in Virginia. I'll throw down what it's like to live here.
All of these laws are "blue laws" meaning they are still on the books, but aren't really enforced. However, should a public official learn to hate you or hold a grudge, they can be used against you, because they've never been amended off of the books.

**It is illegal not only to purchase, own, or steal a bath tub, but it's also illegal to have one in your house or in the backyard.---

I'll be taking all my showers in the front yard from now on.

**It is illegal to have sex out of wedlock.---

I should've been in jail a long time ago.

**The state laws prohibit "corrupt practices of bribery by any other person than a cndidate for office."---

Give it up to our Republican state.

**No animal can be hunted on Sunday, except raccoons, which can be hunted until 2 am.---

Thanks for the extra 2 hours, but you can't eat a raccoon...

**It is illegal to engage in business on Sunday, except for almost every industry.---

Why even have that law?

**All cars must honk while passing other cars.---

Uh, I thought we learned in Driver's Education not to do that...

**Children are not allowed to go Trick-Or-Treating on Halloween, but every other day is OK.---

Me: "Come on honey, lets go Trick-Or-Treating today!" Kid: "But Mom, it's Thanksgiving! All they're giving out is turkey!"

**It is illegal to tickle women.---

Is it illegal to tickle men, too?

I'm including this one as a state-wide law because (according to it's wording) it affects the whole state.
**It is illegal for any colored person to be outside or inside the Dayton city limits after 7 pm.---

OK, all the black people, out of VA after 7 pm. Sorry, they don't say when you can come back.

Our seperate municipalities have some freakish laws too, but I decided it's better for my cause if I list the ones that are on the books and currently enforced. Some of these piss everyone who lives here off.

If any person shall, in the presence or hearing of another, curse or abuse such other person, or use any violent abusive language to such person concerning himself or any of his relations, or otherwise use such language, under circumstances reasonably calculated to provoke a breach of the peace, he shall be guilty of a Class 3 misdemeanor.
(Code 1950, § 18.1-255; 1960, c. 358; 1975, cc. 14, 15.)---

If you cuss me out, I can lock you up for a year. Ha! Payback's a bitch.

these are just a few of the horrible things that are illegal in VA, there are, across America, many more like this that are jail-able offenses. We ask, "Why are these things illegal?" My answer, "Because America decides what we do, instead of us deciding what we do."

It's very possible that the cops could come barging in my door to lock me up for even writing this blog, as having a dissenting opinion on any subject in America is also technically, illegal. I completely hold up my right to free speech, contextual or otherwise, to keep me out of jail for writing this blog.

If some of the things that are illegal here weren't illegal (much like other countries), then we wouldn't have so many people in the prison system. They could do house arrest for a lot of the minor offenses like misdemeanors and literally cut prison intakes by 18%. That's about 360,000 people out of the prison system. Less mouths to feed, less money required by the government to house our criminals. Makes sense to me.

Is It Just Me?

2007-09-17T20:48:00.000-04:00

or are forums pathetic? I just signed up for Comcast forums and they limit EVERYTHING. They have no services for people using Macs and lots of people get away with just whining about everything. I thought blogs were created so that people could whine at their own discretion. I do sometimes. Like now. Short blog. Done ranting.

2007-09-15T22:44:00.001-04:00

Ok, kill me. None of my other blogs have anything to do with the book whose manuscript I am currently working on, except for a few tid bits at the end where I give really vague updates. I apologize for that. Unfortunately, due to the more rogue-ish people out there, I attempt to give myself some protection from thieves by not telling everything about the storyline, the title, or even the relations of the characters themselves. I'd hate for all my work to be shot to pieces because of some despicable person. I've been working too hard and too long, over a year so far, on this and don't want to lose it all. Before you get any ideas about stealing any of my characters, I've sent my full character list to a private publisher, so technically its already copyrighted. You steal any of this, I WILL sue you into a hole. Fair warning.

Now that all the unfortunate bull is explained, I am going to clue you in on the very few things I can tell you. It is a fairy tale. Not so much a prince/princess story, but a true "fairy" tale. The main character is Azure. Her partner is Butterscotch, a dragon that is only twice her size. They go on many journeys together and under this course, Azure grows up. Right now I'm working on the part of the marriage scene, which involves Azure and he best friend from childhood, Brass. from what I've been told, (there've been many friends of mine who've read through various unfinished parts of the manuscript)that the whole storyline is so different from any others that they've read and that it is very engaging. I take that as a compliment. You don't know how badly I'd love to put up the first chapter on here, but unfortunately, the first paragraph of this blog covers why I can't. Just thought all my loyal readers would love to know what's going on.

Real Friends

2007-09-14T19:27:00.000-04:00

Everyone has something to say about who their REAL friends are. I've never had many REAL friends. I've had a whole butt-load of fakes, users, and the occasional abuser. The very few real friends I have had have either moved or I very rarely get to see them anymore, because I move too much.

My first real friend I obtained in elementary school. Her name was Cassie. She was a lot like me back then. We were both outcasts. She was because her parents were poor. Me, because I was fat. She moved when I was in 6th grade, to Manassas. It was really weird though, because I ended up finding her through one of my boyfriend's friends after high school. The world was so tiny then. She barely recognized me, because I got so tall and I wasn't fat anymore. She wasn't doing very well, pretty deep in the drug scene, and I haven't seen her since. I've always wondered if she's still living.

Another friend I really miss is Leah. She moved to Illinois during the summer of our 9th grade year. She was really cute, but everyone made fun of her because of her last name. She must've heard everything from Bugger to Booger. She dated my daughter's father, Mike, for a little while. That didn't help matters much. He wasn't exactly the cutest monkey in the bunch. As a matter of fact, his given nickname was Booger, mostly because he looked like one. LOL. Leah and I lived pretty close together so we'd see each other all the time. I've spent a few happy birthdays with her. I just wonder if she still remembers me.

Another friend is Melissa. She lived literally 2 blocks away and was friends with me for a long time. She's the one who hooked me up with Jimmy. He was my first love. She introduced me to her next door neighbor, Amber who was my age, but she went to a different school. I know that the years we spent at Old Mill Park talking about boys and hanging out smoking our parents cigarettes was the best. I still remember how we used to talk about boys and all she'd talk about was Bobby. I'll give it to you, girl. Bobby was cute. She moved to Galveston, Texas sometime near her sophomore year. She was the only one who my dad thought was a bad seed. I dunno why. I haven't heard anything from her after that.

Jimmy was my first love and as far as I know I was his second. His mother hated me. I think she still does. Even after Jimmy and I broke up, he remained my confidant. Lately I haven't been checking in like I should. I doubt he's worried though. He knows how I am. Headstrong to the point of insanity. He knows I'm the one fish in the sea nobody can change. No matter what you do to me. I think he probably still thinks of me, but after me having kids, there's no hope for us. Even though we did make a pact in 10th grade that if we were single come the time I turned 30, we'd try again. I doubt now, that it would go very well. It might. I might be famous by then, LOL. He knows though, that he'll always have a piece of my heart.

I already wrote a post about the next one. Jenny. She and I were as close as good friends could get. She gave birth to her daughter right after my daughter turned 9 months. I helped her through her whole pregnancy, helped get her all the things she'd need, and for the first few months, I helped her take care of her. We weren't like, involved or anything, just super-close. I'm the one that hooked her up with the one man that her heart will ever truly belong to, Brice. He and Jenny were perfect, except when her mother got involved. I can't imagine how her mother is near happy with the man she ended up with as a result. All of that is listed in one of my older blogs entitled "Stupid Girls". Nonetheless, life tore us apart. I'm sure she wishes everyday that she didn't pick a horrible relationship over her friendship with me. I'm not about to rub that in her face though. That would be unfriendly. I will always be her friend, regardless. Should she so choose to leave him, I do know where and how she can get a hold of Brice. I have his APO.

Last, but nowhere near least is Jessi. She and I have been good friends since we met. I was living next door to her and pregnant with my son, Creid. She was due in March, I was due in May. Her son was born, February 3. My son was born, literally, one month later. She was the only person who I could talk to and ask advice about taking care of a baby. My mother was nowhere around and my father didn't care. She took me in some months later in the aftermath of the Jenny episode, because I didn't have any home. I'm not sure how I could ever repay that.

All of these friends of mine I clearly remember and they've played a vital role in teaching me things I'd never know otherwise. Love, Strength, Loyalty, Imagination, True Friendship. Y'all are all going to be famous, too. Your place is in the annals of time, in the "Special Thanks" page in my first published manuscript. I just hope they read it. They'll find that many of my characters are based on them.

I DON'T WANT YOU!

2007-09-14T00:04:00.000-04:00

Why does it seem that everywhere I go some vile, disgusting, homeless-looking, old man wants to mess with me? I'm about a 6 out of 10 on the hot-o-meter. There's NO REASON for this! Look, the fact is that if I want you, I'll tell you.

Guys? Do you hear the words that are coming out of my mouth?! You do know I wrote a blog about this situation already. If you are too old to have learned how to read, and thus are unable to read it, then you have NO REASON to mess with me. If you have read it, but you still for some dumb ass reason think that you're gonna try to get with me, don't. I know how men are. I know how OLD MEN are. I know how YOU are. I don't want you. I'll never want you. It's just not happening. Get a clue. Buy one, steal one, barter one, do a favor for someone else just to get your pathetic hands on one. PLEASE!

If you fall under any of these categories, I DON'T WANT YOU.
A. If you are old enough to be my father, or are more than 14 years older than me, I DON'T WANT YOU.
B. If you can't figure out how a shower works, I DON'T WANT YOU.
C. If you are unable to obtain a driving license, I DON'T WANT YOU.
D. If you are unable to read for any reason including blindness, I DON'T WANT YOU.
E. If you are unable to beg a barber to chop your mop, I DON'T WANT YOU.
F. If the last razor you ever used looked like a knife, I DON'T WANT YOU.
G. If you have more wrinkles on your face than my mother, I DON'T WANT YOU.
H. If you have ever called a person my age a "young'un", I DON'T WANT YOU.
I. If you cuss constantly about how everything is a mess, yet you lift no finger to fix/clean it, I DON'T WANT YOU.
J. If your fondest memory involves WW2, Vietnam, any car brand-new before 1977, or Marilyn Monroe, I DON'T WANT YOU.
K. If you're pissed-off at me for writing this and think first of calling AARP, I DON'T WANT YOU.
L. If you qualify for Medicare, I DON'T WANT YOU.
M. If you still wear black socks with shorts, I DON'T WANT YOU.
N. If half your house is falling in, and you DON'T care (or that's how you remember it being all your life), I DON'T WANT YOU.
O. If you still swear that outhouses are cleaner than bathrooms, I DON'T WANT YOU.
P. If ANY of your offspring are my age or older, I DON'T WANT YOU.
And last, Q. If you only have more teeth than me because they're fake, I DON'T WANT YOU!!!

Assuming reality is what it is, I hope to God this can only make it's point across. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, guys. Doesn't matter if you're a rich billionaire with no family, no friends, no heir, and one foot in the grave, because guess what? I STILL DON'T WANT YOU!!!

I Know What She Was Thinking.

2007-09-10T18:35:00.000-04:00

She was thinking about money.

Being a single mom isn't easy, for anyone, least of all her. With her singing career nearly shot, a list of ex's longer than mine, and a less than perfect body (who has one after having that many kids?), it's no wonder that Britney was definitely thinking money. That performance last night was god-awful and she knows it. Remind yourself that she got paid for it, regardless of how bad it stunk. I don't just mean the VMA's paid her either. After a performance like that everyone will be wanting to talk to her, find out what's wrong, and of course, pay her again for coming. After the world finds out what's wrong, millions of her stupid subjects will send care packages. She's not as stupid as you guys take her for. Truthfully, if I were her, I'd do the same damn thing. Serves all those fans who turned their backs on her and laughed right. I'm not saying I'm a Britney fan, I just understand the kind of emotional state she's living in right now. It's tough to be in love with a man that cheats on you all the time, probably hates your guts, and laughs at you in public (knowing full-well that the paparazzi will pick up anything he says). Some people use all the publicity to their advantage, some ignore it, some try to hide from it, but Brit's just upset by it. It shows. I'm not about to fault her for that. We all get snippity sometimes, some more than others. All this shows that she's a very sensitive person and that everyone should back off, lest something really bad happen.

I have to throw props to the girl for one thing though. I love the fact that she didn't care about showing "the pouch" at such a heavily public event. Goes to show you guys that even though us mommies have babies, we are still beautiful, not fat. My props to you Brit.

F*cking MEN!!

2007-09-08T21:07:00.000-04:00

Let me just start with a simple: "GRRR!" I'm officially ticked. Not like I don't get that way often, but it's really coming to a head now. I've thought back to the beginning of my dating career, and well, to say the least it's not pretty. Why is it so hard for me to find a decent person? Is it too much to want a man that's not only willing to work without bitching everyday about it or throwing it up in my face everyday, but to actually DEAL with it? I have a simple 6 thing list I use as a rule to find a man, unfortunately for me, I neglect to stick to it all the time. Stupid me. Here's the list:
(1) Don't date anyone completely unwilling to work.
(2) Don't date married men, under any circumstances.
(3) Don't date outside of your own race. (This one strictly beaten into my brain by my father all my life and closely based on the way one of my friends gets treated by her husband who is black, strictly meaning no offense here.)
(4) Don't date men who drink, do drugs, or have a detrimental criminal background.
(5) Don't date men who are uglier than Heath Ledger. (This is the one I break most often. Seconded by part of rule #4, men who drink.)
And last, but definitely not least (6) Don't date men old enough to be your father. (I've had 2 instances where I broke that one, unknown to my parents. Don't tell them.)

Currently, there aren't many people with whom I'm good enough friends with to confide in about such matters and thus, I get lost in my own self/heart/idiocy whatever you want to call it. Technically speaking, I may just be The Queen of the Bad Judges of Character. Crown me now. Please.
How funny, but thank you for the boost.

Anyone know how I can cure this, or better yet, is there any man that will prove to me that not all men are ugly, non-working, drunks who aren't old as dirt?

A&B Update: Half done with chapter 15, stumbling a little on the way everything should go, still need a antagonist.

Amazing Things I'm Not Sure I Can Do...

2007-09-07T13:57:00.000-04:00

I know with my wonderful talents there are at least 93 things I am physically capable of doing not only well, but profitably. Now, one normally would look at me and say, "Then why not do them?" My simple answer is the same between people like me everywhere you go. Money. Currently I am technically unemployed, therefore "broke."

I am writing a novel, though it isn't finished yet and thus, cannot be published, because people don't buy half written books. If it isn't published, I don't profit from it. It's an unfortunate way to be, but every writer goes through the same run-around at some point or another. Take J.K. Rowling, she was dirt poor and "broke" before she completed her first Harry Potter book, look at her now. That's where I'm aspiring to get, eventually. Another difference between her and I, she only had about 70 or so characters that everyone could name and remember, I have twice that. It's harder than you think to sit down and devote your entire mind to a different world than that of where you live. Every character, species, and place has to have a different personality, not to mention different things going on with them that cannot in any way be based upon any other novel (for my lawyers sake). Also preparing the sequels of the book, which in my case, enumerate to about 9 (so far), very different from the Harry Potter series. The only real tangible thing that is nearly the same is that her books and mine occur in the magical realm. Other than that, I have one healthy, insanely huge undertaking. Praise me later.

Side note: After this post I've decided to generate updates on my progress throughout the book to update my possible fans on how it's coming.

That, shockingly isn't all that I could do for a living. I am very good at sculpting, but as everyone knows, not only does that take a massive amount of money (for supplies), but also time. Right now, every waking hour is taken up by my book or online doing research or blogs. I've thought very hard at using my book as a base for the sculptures, but that really wouldn't help me much at getting the books roots finished to have it published and subsequently land me a large enough fan base for an original sculpture to be cast.

I've also thought about making soap. Sounds simple right? Not really. I wanted to make soap that I'm not allergic to. Getting more difficult, eh? I am allergic to most soap fragrances (maybe it's all the chems), and so I wanted to plant an herb garden to use for the fragrance. I believe that's called organic soap. Maybe someone else could profit from it, but it (again) is such a large, time-consuming, undertaking. Maybe after the book.

Please don't think that I have ADD or something. I don't think I do, though I've never been expertly undiagnosed. I just have a whole slew of ideas that pop into my head every second I'm alive about stuff that has nothing to do with the things I am working on.

A&B Update: I've finished the Central and Southwestern land maps (for the front of the book) as well as completed the 14th chapter. Haven't established all the partnering order yet.

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Once I get my copyright run through completely, I'll be able to release the title of the book as well as some of the plot lines, as of yet, it's not completed, so I'll be using A&B as the working title name. Forgive me.

Disturbing Memory Loss

2007-09-05T22:18:00.000-04:00

Have you ever stayed up at night and thought back to all the stuff you can't remember for the life of you? I do it all the time. It kinda makes me me mad, you know. I know what my friend from high school's band name is, but I can't think of it to save my life. Back in the day I used to work with him at Pizza Hut on Rt. 17 in Fredericksburg. If he's reading this he knows who I am.

Back in HS we didn't really talk much, he was more a friend of my sister than anything. We pretty much were acquaintances, but when I met him about 5 years later at the Pizza Hut where we both worked, he seemed nicer. Maybe, because his wife was being super mean to him and he was glad he recognized someone. I dunno.

Come to think of it there are a lot of people I remember just as fondly, though I can't remember things about them that I should. Like my ex, Mike. I can't for the life of me remember his last name. And my other ex, Chris, I can't remember why we broke up. I also can't remember what my son's father looks like, I know his name and everything else, just can't remember his face. I should know these things. And I don't know them. It's not due to drug use, I know, because I don't use drugs. I'm completely drug-free. I feel very disturbed now. Oh well, stuff happens. Good night.

I Love Firefox

2007-09-02T16:28:00.000-04:00

Hey, who doesn't? Everyone nowadays is putting up their favorite Firefox themes lists, so, I thought I'd do it, too. (My attempt at mild conformity)

My Top Ten Firefox Themes
(with previews and downloads)

#10. Pink Paula/PP2
Aaah! A girl developer that's proud to be a girl. I love this theme, because no other developer has truly embraced the fact that more than just men use the Firefox browser, much less the internet itself. Nice pink bubbly interface with ease of use. What more could you ask for?

#9. PinkHope
Sorry, guys. I know, another pink browser, but hey, it's for a good cause. PinkHope is based on the iPox interface (for now), but plans to make it into it's own format very soon. If you couldn't tell by the name, PinkHope is a breast cancer awareness browser theme, and thus, landed in my top 10. Did you know: It's creator is a guy? (kinda cool.)

#8. RedShift v.2
RedShift is awesome! I love my dark themes. They're getting increasingly harder to find, but the creator of RedShift has kept up his theme to be compatible with the new Firefox version upgrades. RedShift is the best, easiest to use, dark theme out there. All text and buttons are easy to see, yet not overwhelming, and the red highlights are all in the right places.

#7. Azerty III
Azerty III is more of a cartoony meets bubbles kind of theme, however, I'm a big kid at heart and I really really like it. I love the fact that not all the buttons are interface standard. The interface itself is very childish, yet easy to use and colorful to boot. Makes you feel happy when surfing the internet.

#6. Pimpzilla
Pimpzilla is (like the creator boasts) "the most tacky & overdone piece of GUI design ever." He says probably, I say definitely. I actually like it a lot though, as it does have some good redeeming qualities. It has relatively large buttons and easy to read text so you won't get lost in the sea of gold. I'm pretty tacky myself, and I love attempting to show everyone how cool I think I am, so we have our lovely #6 pick, Pimpzilla!

#5. Harley Davidson
Ever wanted to feel the wind in your hair, the rumbling in your crotch, the invigoration of gas-hogging, horsepower-insane man machines roaring down the freeway? Are you too geeky to ride a Harley, but always wanted to own one, if only just to stare at it or show it off to your friends? Why not just quench the thirst for thunder with this wonderfully manly theme? Enough said.

#4. Glowy Gold
A good (and pretty) hybrid between the flashy Pimpzilla and the dark RedShift with redesigned buttons and a very user-friendly interface. I'm using this one right now.

#3. Arctic Glow
A very "cool", modern art-like, contemporary theme. Mostly blue, very crystallized, dynamically sound and kind of freaky interface. Perfect for any blue lover anywhere (including me).

#2. ShadowThunder II Sunbeam
ShadowThunder II Sunbeam has got to be the most migraine-inducing theme ever created for Firefox. The reason I rank it so high is because my family can't stand to look at it and thus, very rarely attempt to peek at what I'm doing online. If you want the perfect theme that understands your need for privacy as well as usability, this is the one you're looking for. Sunglasses recommended.

#1. Miint
The utmost in contemporary design based for a work environment of pure bliss, Miint inspires you to remain calm even in the toughest of searching environments. The cool green theme is not so tame that you don't notice it, yet not so bright that it hurts to look at it. Green has always been a favorite color choice of mine and has always been a staple in peaceful design elements. The brighter of all of the neutral colors, Miint is the best theme to use if you want your cubicle to be the height of fashion and browsing comfort.

Download Firefox Now! Free!

Totally Pissed At Chat Room Goers

2007-09-02T16:12:00.000-04:00

Everyone who is even mildly intelligent knows what I mean here. I am totally pissed off at AOL and other large IM/chat companies who just sit idly by and watch our country being overrun by complete bumbling idiots.

Take, for example, a tour of your AIM member created chat rooms. I did that last night. I won't do it again. All I did was ask anyone if they knew where any authors hung out on AOL and they told me where, right after I got 10,000 IMs popping up asking me if I made sex help books and if "I'd teach them a thing or two." Grrr! Look, I don't go into chat rooms to find love, a cheap date, or to have phone/IM/or real-life sex. I go there to get inspiration for my book. I have 134 characters and they all need to have more than just an evil, hate-filled personality. Right now I have 14 of my characters figured out based upon people in my family or people who are close to me, but not all of my characters can be based on people I know to be relate-able to other people. I'm not writing a book so my family will like it (I already know they do), I'm writing it so that nearly everyone will like it.

Bringing unrealistic characters to the table is like damning your characters to store shelves forever. I'd hate to do that to them. The very few (2) people I have based characters on in the book will get a note in the published book itself as a thank you. If you've ever wanted to be one of those people that big time people thank at an awards ceremony, then you'll let me get to know you more than just your appearance. I promise, you will all have your names (maybe if they're just screen names) in the thank you section of my book.

My Quick Delve Into Politics

2007-08-28T20:56:00.000-04:00

My Background: I was raised in a hard-core Republican family. After I left my fathers nest, I ventured out on my own to see what life was like making my own choices. All of what I'm about to say here is very much based on the life I've lived and things I've seen and been through over the years. I do not (because of my beliefs) call myself either Democrat or Republican. At best, I suppose, I am closer to Independent.

I never greatly understood the concept itself of politics. I understand there are some people in the Senate or Congress that love being in control. If I were to EVER (which that is very unlikely) become a politician, I would definitely NEVER act like those idiots in there now. Take Idaho Republican Senator Larry Craig for example. No one really cares if you are or aren't gay. You are supposed to be doing a job, and last I checked, that job didn't involve making sexual advances in a mens room. Another thing, even if you aren't gay, you do realize that mainstream Dems will fall for anything, so USE all this. Your only chance of getting re-elected now is to jump on the Pro-Gay Ballot and ride it straight to Hell.

Moving right along now. I am very pissed at whoever that stupid GOP biotch was on the O'Reilly Factor tonight. Fighting against raising Minimum Wage. She ought to be shot for that. She'd have a completely different view if her job wasn't salary-based, as well as if it were a lower-end job (between minimum wage and $10 an hour).
Do the math with me people. A family of 3 (mom, dad, one kid) is struggling with their bills. Their bills being the normal ones. Food: $300/mo, phone: $65/mo, electric: $100, water/sewer: $40, cable: $35, internet: $35, cell phone: $70, house payment: $300, car payment: $210, car/home/life/health insurance: combined total $255, etc. Add up how much that costs normally please (just those for this example) and then take into consideration Dad only makes $7 per hour full-time, Mom makes minimum wage part-time. Per month Mom makes about $400 take home pay, Dad makes about $850 take home pay monthly. All those bills add up to $1,510 paid out per month. Combined, they only make $1,250. And you wonder why we want to raise minimum wage? You stupid rich people, you'll never see past your own money-filled butt hole. Not everything is about YOU after all.

I don't support a lot of the things that are supported by everyone else. I am pro-life, yet believe in gay Americans being left alone. I am all for banning gay marriage, yet I want to raise minimum wage. As I've stated, I'm probably closer to an Indy.

"My Heart Would Love To Love Him Again...

2007-08-15T20:40:00.000-04:00

but it knows now that it's way more hurt than it can take." -Shannon (me), (c)2005

Everyone I know has gone through a heartache in one manner or another. The hardest part of losing someone, I think, is when that person wasn't very good for you and you loved them so much that a part of you is gone. I don't mean just the attachment part either. I mean when you lose your pride, your self-esteem, a member of your family, and your control of your life all at the same time, while still imagining all the great times you had together like they could ever mask all the pain caused by the person.

Paul was like that. He was great while I thought I had him. We'd talk about everything and he'd supposedly listen. We talked about having kids, getting married, building a house, and having a happy life together. Everything was wonderful for about 4 months, until, I started getting smart. A web of lies was starting to take form in my mind. Things started adding up. I found myself, yet again, stuck in an abusive relationship with myself and my whole world in it. He'd told me the lady we were living with was his cousin, who, was actually his OTHER girlfriend. He told me he'd never been married. I found out not only did he have a wife, but they weren't planning a divorce anytime soon. I found out that he and his wife made a plan that if I were to get pregnant, they'd steal the baby and do all the things that he and I had talked about doing together. Two days and a mental breakdown later, I found out I was pregnant. That just made things worse. Three months after I got the news, my butt was stuck out in the cold. Literally. Pregnant, starving, no belongings, no home, in the middle of December. I vowed never to go back, to move on with my life, to raise my son in a loving home, and avoid Paul at all costs.

Until I saw him again that spring after Creid was born. He wanted me back, wanted to be a family, wanted to see his son. He said we'd move to his parents' house, they'd help us raise Creid and we'd be away from all the problems. My heart raced at the sound of his voice, I felt weak when I saw him again and I learned three days later that real problems never leave, they follow. He got drunk, beat me up and left me, again. I always thought, "Maybe if we try again, it'll work this time."

Two days after I got Creid home (after a heartbreaking 6 weeks in the NICU for being a preemie), DSS comes in and takes him. Paul and his friends had called and told them I was killing my son. He was really trying to take Creid away! All the charges were eventually dropped, however and Paul is on a restricted visitation plan put in place by the DSS, but not until I told them everything I knew.

Believe it or not, even after all that I felt tied to him like a dog on a leash. I could do what I wanted, but was restricted from straying too far. I was scared of him at this point. He'd stolen my life, who knew what else he'd take. Then he came back to me again. This time a very different feeling came over me. I was no longer in awe of him, I was leery. My heart jumped, not skipped when I saw him. I looked in those once beautiful brown eyes and saw deeper into the swirling, conscienceless abyss. I had realized he was bad. I had also realized that I had to do something, anything to get away. And far.

I look back now, every once in a while, and think how it might be with him. Good news for me that shortly after the thought comes to mind it is overridden by the love I have now for myself, my family, and all the things I have wanted with him, but gained on my own.

Valuable Links
For Parents- To Prevent Their Boys From Becoming Abusive

Support for Battered Women

How To Identify Abusive Relationships

Not All Indie Movies Suck

2007-08-09T18:49:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite movies is Indie. Also known as independent or an independent film. Nonetheless, not all of them suck. I hear it all the time from my friends, who, like many people in America don't understand the finer quality that an Indie movie produces. Indie movies aren't the everyday crap you find on YouTube or some other junky "movie" site. Indie movies are real, full-length movies that you can find on the Sundance Channel all-day everyday or other movie channels very early in the morning.
One of My favorite Indie films is "Photographing Fairies." How many of you have heard of it? This particular movie is about the two young girls who can see fairies, and the rest of the world just wants to exploit them. Meanwhile, the fairies act in a role filled by very few film makers. They take the role of a soon-to-be extinct (fill in the blank.) It makes you think. The film makers did a wonderful job at making the fairies very believable as well as realistic. There is no sound or film breakups, no crappy looking props, no hokey themes or sets (like "Plan 9 from Outer Space" for example). It's a great movie and a wonderful must-see for any parent of young girls, any girl younger than 15, and women who still are young girls at heart (like me). This movie will (I promise) change the perception that most people have about Independent films.
After this one, maybe you'll give a few others a try, and hopefully, finally expand that movie collection that only consists of mainstream films.

Stupid Girls

2007-08-08T18:01:00.000-04:00

Dear Bloggers & Blog Readers,
I had to write a post on this subject, because, well, I am one. At least I was one. You know that every girl at one point has heard all the "fairy tale" stories about love. You know the ones, the girl is wonderful and has something special to offer, there is always a prince, who, when he finds the girl is swept away by her beauty and grace. What I've learned and what the stories don't tell you, is that 90% of the time the prince is absolutely wonderful while wooing the girl, but afterward, when he's had her for a while, he turns into something even worse than the beast. I'd beg for the beast right about now, and if you've been there you know what I mean.
As it seems, I'm not the stupidest girl in America. That title is strictly there for my best friend, Jenny. Now, she was my best friend in High School and for a few years out. I still think of her, and pray for her, because I know she isn't doing it for herself. Jenny has made a few possibly irreparable mistakes, as well as a few good faith mistakes. We all make those, the good faith ones. At least I know I have, but I can't speak for everyone.
I always pictured her with a wonderful man who would sweep her off her feet constantly and consistantly. She deserves someone like that. Jenny is beautiful, a wonderful, caring, and generous woman. She looks like a perfect mix of Britney Spears (body) and Snow White (complexion) with the brightest, most sparkling, sky blue eyes ever granted to a human being by God himself. She's a wonderful mother and a devoted wife. The only real bad part to her is that she is very gullible.
As far as good faith is concerned she's made the mistake of falling in love. Not just in general, but with someone that is against her faithful upbringing entirely. Her husband, Jonathan, is Wiccan. She thought like everyone else has at one point that Wicca is not really a religion, that it was just a game you play with magic. To me, Wicca is the devil's religion, though I may receive many hate messages to counter that idea. What she knows, and what I know, and what all our friends know is that this behavior of rituals and spell-casting is bringing her further away from God. Any Christian knows that if you carry yourself away from the Lord, his blessings get further away as well.
Now, she has turned her back on her family, her friends, and most of the goodness she knew in her life before. Jonathan tempted her and because she is so gullible, she fell for it. Not that I'm calling it a failure of self, by chance. It sounds very familiar as far as most womens lives are concerned, though not generally to this extremity. When she turned to this man (the term "man" used very loosely in this case) she must've been looking for a father for her daughter. Her daughter's father being in jail and not accepting his paternity, she had no choice but to find her a role-model of some sort. What she didn't bargain on, was a father-figure who was more like a nightmare. He decided that his wife wasn't good enough to be in bed with, so he took out his disgusting fantasies on her daughter. Subsequently, her daughter was removed from her care by DSS. Many other factors came in to play as well, but for the sake of sealed records, I'll keep my mouth shut. She stood by him through that. That alone is enough to call her a stupid girl, but no, there is more. Instead of leaving him and fighting like hell to get her daughter back, she decided to not only stay with him, but to have another child with him, to try to make him stay with her. (Insert heart attack here.) They had a beautiful baby boy, that looks just like her.
And that's where I must leave you. To wonder where this woman is, how she is doing, and how her family is getting along without her. I don't know these answers. All I can hope for is that my prayers are being heard and that she is safe. There are women out in the world everyday who make the same mistakes she has made and they are no longer with us. I pray she isn't one of them. We love you, Jenny.

Attention People 25-35 Years Young!!!

2007-07-24T19:51:00.001-04:00

We revolt about everything nowadays, like gay/lesbian rights, how much the President sucks, and the ever popular anti-war, so since the older generation has their retro TV station, why can't we?

I have sent millions of emails to Nickelodeon (mostly), PBS and Disney literally begging for a channel where the broadcast our beloved 80's shows. Apparently nobody else does, because they haven't done anything about it. Just for a refresher, here's the list of shows for Nickelodeon that I have asked for (accompanied by a picture for those of us who can't remember names). Just for your information, I can't exactly remember all of them.

NICKELODEON
David The Gnome

Belle & Sebastian

Today's Special

You Can't Do That On Television

Hey Dude

Kids Incorporated

The Elephant Show

Eureeka's Castle

Finder's Keepers *game show*

Little Prince

Danger Mouse

The Noozles

Mr. Wizard

As you may notice, if you were to dredge up all of the old 80's goodies from Nick you'd have one hell of a great network for us "parent-aged" nostalgia junkies. Now if they'd only bring back the Big Wheel...

Special Thanks To:
johnnorrisbrown.com
crowncombo.com
kidsincorporated.us
retrojunk.com
and failedsuccess.com

A Totally Girly Subject

2007-07-22T19:26:00.000-04:00

If you are male or have an extra organ between your legs that prevents you from comfortably sitting on a pole, you may wanna turn to another post.

First Phase What is with the crappy lingerie designers man? I want something cute, sexy, or even comfortable, but NOBODY carries anything like that in my size. Even after giving birth to 2 kids and breastfeeding one, I am still a size 38AA. So a very understandable question comes to mind. What the hell do I need an underwire for? I's OK, you may laugh. I laugh every time I find a bra in my size (which is VERY rare) and read that it has an underwire. I have very little to hold up and elastic has always held just fine. I also get mad because EVERY bra in my size is white. None of them have colors or patterns on them like the bigger sizes do. Why is that? Do the designers automatically think that just because your boobs are small, that you'll never have anyone to show them to? All I can say on that one is "Get a clue!"

Second Phase Why does "plus size" always have to mean that you have huge gazongas?*see pic 1* I'll put it this way, I'd be the new Anna Nicole Smith if my chest size matched my ass. My measurements are as follows: 38AA-29-46/length 34. I am real. I promise, so why can't fashion designers make seperates and dresses for girls like me? I feel sorry for my daughter, because she's going to turn out just like me with massive amounts of trouble finding clothes.

Third Phase What's with the skinny ass "plus size" models?*see pic 2* No matter how you look at me I am not skinny. Not many "plus size" women I know of are skinny either. Putting a dress on a skinny model will NOT show me how the dress looks on ME.

Last Phase Last but not least, I am NOT trying to bring the 70's back in my wardrobe,*see pic 3* I'm not a black woman *see pic 4*, nor am I trying to pretend I'm 80 *see pic 5*, so why are all the big clothes designed like that?

Pic #1

Picture from Silhouettes.com
Pic #2

Picture from Silhouettes.com
Pic #3

Picture from SizeAppeal.com
Pic #4

Picture from Roamans.com
Pic #5

Picture from WomanWithin.com (Lane Bryant)

The Disgusted America

2007-07-18T22:35:00.000-04:00

I'm going to give you a list of crap that I'm sure by now everyone is disgusted with in America:

#1: "Who da baby daddy is?" shows
Jerry Springer makes me puke. not just regular puking either. Puking followed by convulsions and strong dizziness. What the hell are these people thinking going on these shows and telling the world that they're big sluts and can't figure out who the father of their 4 month - 8 year old is? There is no set demographic who goes on more often either. You'd think that only ghetto or redneck women go on. Not really. I've seen a few episodes where there've been women in their 30's or 40's from a suburban neighborhood, married, and still can't tell their husband that he is (without a doubt) the father. It's grotesque, and thus, ranks number one on my list.

#2: Fat kids obsessed about WWE
Wrestling is a healthy sport. It requires very good nutritional values, athleticism, a daily workout regimen, a fit (if not toned) body structure, and dedication to the requirements. Nowhere in the list of the requirements does it say you can sit on your hiney eating Cheetos, drink sugary sodas, get fat and call it muscle, and confuse big strong people with big fat people. To my best knowledge there is only one sport that requires large amounts of fat be on your body. Sumo, it's not that popular here mostly because not all of us are Chinese, and we don't all worship Buddha (a gigantic fat guy). It's not our custom to revere people of large stature. It's our custom to maintain a healthy lifestyle and I'm sorry, but dying at the age of 40 just isn't cool.

#3: People who think they know all the facts about the war in Iraq
This one's easy. See previous "War in Iraq" blog. That should be self-explanatory.

#4: Drunks
We see them everyday on our way to work, begging for our money, our mercy, pity, whatever. It's sickening. I understand many of them are helpable, but for every one who is, there are like 20 more who aren't. People who simply refuse to stop. They don't realize they hurt everyone by doing what they do. Worldwide America has a bad reputation because of our rampant alcohol abuse. Some countries don't care (i.e. France, they don't care about anyone but themselves), some countries love it (i.e. Mexico and Germany, who profit off of our incessant imbibing), and everyone else hates us.

Last but not least...
#5: Stick-figure chicks
Why is it that no one makes lingerie to fit a REAL woman? Full figured is one thing, but I'm "backwards" figured. Meaning instead of my chest being huge and my ass disappearing from view, I'm the other way around. My chest is that of a 13 year old and my ass is straight up a "ghetto booty." God made me this way, however, why is it so hard for clothiers to acknowledge women like me? We exist I promise, you just never see a "backwards" model. I'm tall, not fat, muscular, strong, blonde, (I think I am) sexy, and I want clothes that FIT!!!

dead-beats

The War In Iraq & Elections

2007-07-16T18:22:00.000-04:00

Why is it that so many people are against the war in Iraq? Do they realize that they know nothing about what's going on there? There are reasons why we don't know anything. If we all knew every gory detail that the President is privy to, we'd be running in the streets like mad people or moving frantically to other countries. There are very few operations that the American government actually releases to the press for that very same reason. The things we hear of are the dumbed-down versions of real events that took place and generally we hear of them 2-3 days after they already occurred.

If you feel misinformed you aren't the only one. All I can say really about the matter is that it doesn't matter which President we elect into office, because the candidates running only know half the story. Once a President is elected and sworn in, then they go through a rigorous week of meetings, briefings, and informative work sessions. Although the bits and pieces that the candidates do know add up to more than we do, they still have no real clue what lies in store for them once they take office. Don't forget now all those promises that your particular candidate has lined up for a specific pull-out date. Only to warn you, they may re-think the matter once they get all their briefings. Only those brave men and women fighting for our country know the full brutal truth about this war. And even then, not all of them know every gory detail.

Every war-time country has had second thoughts about it's involvement, this isn't new. Don't you think that France, a normally peaceful country, had second thoughts about it's involvement in WW2? What about Poland? Taking in all those refugees they were lucky that they weren't dragged in as well. We aren't the only nation to be pulled into a war larger than us.

Many also forget that this is a war that is a modern day extension of the same war started over 2,000 years ago. The only difference now is that the world has modern day weapons and tools that they didn't have that long ago, as well as many democratic countries that see these stories on the news and call out for a fight we know is much bigger than just "people". This is a religious war. Think about how you feel about your religion. Would you stand up and fight day-in and day-out, knowing that the cause you fight for is a different cause that the other side fights for just as fervently? Certainly I would. Would you stop fighting all of a sudden just because a country that hasn't had anything to do with you all this time jumps in and tells you how to run things? I didn't think so.

Just keep that in mind before you jump up and yell that this war is criminal. Also remember that the day after 9/11/01 we all begged to get inon this fight. And now, just because so many lives are being lost, we are begging to pull out.

God Bless Our Troops... All of them.

The Beckhams and American Soccer

2007-07-15T19:09:00.000-04:00

True Americans as a whole don't watch soccer. The only ones that actually do are either of Latino decent or are the weenie children of obsessive mothers who want their children to feel like winners, but can't accept the fact that every real sport causes some injury.

Does anyone know who created soccer? I'd like to find them and beat them over the head with a shoe. This happens to be the stupidest sport ever known to man. It has no point. It requires very little skill to play. Anyone who can run back and forth down a field and kick something is a master of the sport. Congratulations to you. Soccer as a whole is a dumbed down version of many of our most popular games, which, get vastly more viewing time per capita than the pathetic game of soccer.

Take basketball for instance. In basketball you do have to run back and forth on the court, however, you must enact harder skills than just kicking something. In basketball, it's actually hard to throw a three-pointer. You have to have good aim- hand/eye coordination if you will. Also, instead of just kicking it down a field/court you have to keep that same hand/eye coordination and dribble taking special care not to move without that ball moving as well. Thank God you can touch it.

I haven't quite yet figured out what makes soccer appealing. You can't just plow through people with intent to knock them over or hurt them (i.e. American football and hockey), you can't hit it with a stick to score points (i.e. baseball, cricket, and field hockey), and you definitely can't touch the ball with your hands at all (i.e. every other sport known to man).

Now, onto the most laughable thing I've ever heard of in my life. Some crappy team in L.A. actually signed David Beckham to their soccer team to boost viewership. Oh yeah, a British guy came to America with his very over-played wife, we'll pay him 3 times what he's worth because we're desperate to bring in viewers to a sport that most Americans hate anyway. I feel so sorry to tell you "unknown L.A. soccer team" you wasted your money. From how I take it, whatever team he was on in the UK was planning on retiring his ass anyway, because he is OLD. Not to mention that just because some stupid British guy and his wanna-be supermodel wife have come to America DOES NOT mean that more people are going to watch that stupid game.

Do I know who the hell won the "whatever kind of cup or bowl you win in soccer"? NO. Do I care? Absolutely not. Would I rather shoot off half my foot than watch a full-length game of soccer just one time? Pass me the gun and make sure the bullets aren't duds or blanks please.

Senseless Murder

2007-07-15T16:44:00.000-04:00

My boyfriend and I have just recorded the "Geraldo At Large: The Pizza Bomber." All I have to say about this is, "WTF were they thinking?" Why in the world would you kill 2 innocent people, rob a bank with one of them (who, by the way, had no idea he was being used until it was too late) for the measly sum of just over $8,000 that you weren't going to keep, but that you were going to use to pay off someone to kill one of your family members? I don't get it.

One would think that the person who came up with this stupid ass plan would do it just a little differently. Like, maybe, put the "bomb" (in this case not a real one) around someone they trusted's neck to rob the bank, or simply just rob the damn bank yourself if you want. Duh! It was an elaborate plan with no outcome except jail-time and the thought that every human in the U.S. is laughing at you for being so stupid, as well as puking all night long in the bathroom at the thought of the horrendous acts you have performed against humanity. It is even more upsetting to me that Marjorie Diehl-Armstrong looks almost exactly like my ex-boyfriend's drunken whore of a mother. She'd only have to be shorter and skinnier. I can very closely imagine that the two of them would have the same criminally insane mind ticking away in their heads. ::shudder:: Disturbing...

Why did you have to kill your boyfriend you stupid bitch? Did he threaten to tell the authorities, or are you just extremely paranoid? You could've just dumped his butt before you made all these plans. Very few things piss me off more than people who call themselves smart, but refuse to think things through.

Ick!

2007-07-13T21:01:00.000-04:00

Pardon my incessant ranting, but could you please tell me what kind of disgusting freak would kidnap a child, have their way with her, then instead of just letting her go, you have to go off and kill her? WTF is going on nowadays? Are they putting some sort of experimental "pedophile chemical" in the water or something?

Now don't get me wrong here, I truly think that all of the above things are horrible and should never have to happen to any child no matter how cute, but why can't they just pick one? Like why can't they just kidnap them without doing anything to them (if it's such a big rush as they say)? Why not just molest them? As much as this may sound (and is) totally wrong. By all means don't do it if you're thinking that you may get away with it, 'cause you won't. This is AMERICA, not Somalia. We care about ALL of our people here, even the ones that you nasties may be thinking don't get any love from our parents. Trust me sickos, we don't need any of your kind of love. Yours comes with a price we are unwilling to pay. As for me and my family, if you ever think about making my family pay that price, you will find yourself at the hollow end of my 20 gauge. I have damn good aim.

Where does this rant come from, you ask? Oddly enough I myself am a victim of childhood sexual abuse. There are records of this in Fairfax County Court, if you find out my last name. Which, is very unlikely. My case was very upsetting to my father and I. In my case my own mother (who was divorced from my father at the time and re-married) fought in court against me to tell them that I was lying. It was my step-father who did it. But, I digress... this rant is not supposed to be about me. I am fortunate in this case. Why couldn't I have died when I was 12 instead of some of these other kids who had both loving parents? I don't know the answer to that, but I would love to find out. I guess I was lucky, but I still don't think that's fair. Most acts of juvenile abuse end without the victim able to tell their story. This disgusts me to no end.

I remember all the children who've died in my lifetime, but no others. I'm not that old. This is sad. I dedicate this rant to all of the parents who have suffered this horrible loss, to the parents of survivors of sexual molestation, incest and rape, and all parents of kidnapped children who have yet to be found. My heart goes out to all of you.

Who Are These People?

2007-07-13T15:43:00.000-04:00

I'm sure everyone has noticed about 20 billion people all over the 'net who have their own blog. Congratulate me, I'm the last one, besides my grandmother who is too old to know how to use a computer. I'd been holding out for a long time wondering what kind of blog I'd create. You see, back in high school I was wonderfully blessed with at least a handful of friends, but it these latter years I've found that very few people I knew then are worth hanging out with now. So, I always thought that creating a blog that no one will ever read would be stupid. I also do not believe in "whoring" myself all over the internet to attempt to become the worlds most successful e-friend ever known to man. I'm just me. Simple, country, non-scholarly me, who is generally shunned by most, loved by the very few who gave me enough of a chance to get to know the real me, and hated by everyone who ever went to school for many years of their life and still don't know a damn thing about this crappy world. After all, who the hell are these people anyway?

Do you realize that the "hot guy" that you made friends with on MySpace is either a nerd who really wants to be popular, your 12 year old brother (who, by the way, thinks that letter you wrote about him on your page was the most hysterical thing ever, and he took it to show-and-tell this morning), or some really old dude who sits around his computer all day and scratches himself in "places" every time he sees your pic on his top 8.

You see, what y'all haven't learned yet is a thing I learned when I was eleven. Everyone, (or most people, to be perfectly PC) if given enough lee-way will undoubtedly screw someone over (even people they know and love) just to get something that wasn't worth all the trouble. See, you can look back and see a time (or, for some of us, well over one time) when someone treated you like crap, just to get something they really wanted. Trust me on this one, I've done it to people at least 4 times I can remember and at least 500 times it's been done to me. So next time you see someone's blog somewhere, just ask yourself, who is that person? (Really?)
Oh and just to let you know, I am me, but don't trust that either. I might not feel like myself tomorrow.