My Quick Delve Into Politics

My Background: I was raised in a hard-core Republican family. After I left my fathers nest, I ventured out on my own to see what life was like making my own choices. All of what I'm about to say here is very much based on the life I've lived and things I've seen and been through over the years. I do not (because of my beliefs) call myself either Democrat or Republican. At best, I suppose, I am closer to Independent.


I never greatly understood the concept itself of politics. I understand there are some people in the Senate or Congress that love being in control. If I were to EVER (which that is very unlikely) become a politician, I would definitely NEVER act like those idiots in there now. Take Idaho Republican Senator Larry Craig for example. No one really cares if you are or aren't gay. You are supposed to be doing a job, and last I checked, that job didn't involve making sexual advances in a mens room. Another thing, even if you aren't gay, you do realize that mainstream Dems will fall for anything, so USE all this. Your only chance of getting re-elected now is to jump on the Pro-Gay Ballot and ride it straight to Hell.


Moving right along now. I am very pissed at whoever that stupid GOP biotch was on the O'Reilly Factor tonight. Fighting against raising Minimum Wage. She ought to be shot for that. She'd have a completely different view if her job wasn't salary-based, as well as if it were a lower-end job (between minimum wage and $10 an hour).
Do the math with me people. A family of 3 (mom, dad, one kid) is struggling with their bills. Their bills being the normal ones. Food: $300/mo, phone: $65/mo, electric: $100, water/sewer: $40, cable: $35, internet: $35, cell phone: $70, house payment: $300, car payment: $210, car/home/life/health insurance: combined total $255, etc. Add up how much that costs normally please (just those for this example) and then take into consideration Dad only makes $7 per hour full-time, Mom makes minimum wage part-time. Per month Mom makes about $400 take home pay, Dad makes about $850 take home pay monthly. All those bills add up to $1,510 paid out per month. Combined, they only make $1,250. And you wonder why we want to raise minimum wage? You stupid rich people, you'll never see past your own money-filled butt hole. Not everything is about YOU after all.

I don't support a lot of the things that are supported by everyone else. I am pro-life, yet believe in gay Americans being left alone. I am all for banning gay marriage, yet I want to raise minimum wage. As I've stated, I'm probably closer to an Indy.

"My Heart Would Love To Love Him Again...

but it knows now that it's way more hurt than it can take." -Shannon (me), (c)2005

Everyone I know has gone through a heartache in one manner or another. The hardest part of losing someone, I think, is when that person wasn't very good for you and you loved them so much that a part of you is gone. I don't mean just the attachment part either. I mean when you lose your pride, your self-esteem, a member of your family, and your control of your life all at the same time, while still imagining all the great times you had together like they could ever mask all the pain caused by the person.

Paul was like that. He was great while I thought I had him. We'd talk about everything and he'd supposedly listen. We talked about having kids, getting married, building a house, and having a happy life together. Everything was wonderful for about 4 months, until, I started getting smart. A web of lies was starting to take form in my mind. Things started adding up. I found myself, yet again, stuck in an abusive relationship with myself and my whole world in it. He'd told me the lady we were living with was his cousin, who, was actually his OTHER girlfriend. He told me he'd never been married. I found out not only did he have a wife, but they weren't planning a divorce anytime soon. I found out that he and his wife made a plan that if I were to get pregnant, they'd steal the baby and do all the things that he and I had talked about doing together. Two days and a mental breakdown later, I found out I was pregnant. That just made things worse. Three months after I got the news, my butt was stuck out in the cold. Literally. Pregnant, starving, no belongings, no home, in the middle of December. I vowed never to go back, to move on with my life, to raise my son in a loving home, and avoid Paul at all costs.

Until I saw him again that spring after Creid was born. He wanted me back, wanted to be a family, wanted to see his son. He said we'd move to his parents' house, they'd help us raise Creid and we'd be away from all the problems. My heart raced at the sound of his voice, I felt weak when I saw him again and I learned three days later that real problems never leave, they follow. He got drunk, beat me up and left me, again. I always thought, "Maybe if we try again, it'll work this time."

Two days after I got Creid home (after a heartbreaking 6 weeks in the NICU for being a preemie), DSS comes in and takes him. Paul and his friends had called and told them I was killing my son. He was really trying to take Creid away! All the charges were eventually dropped, however and Paul is on a restricted visitation plan put in place by the DSS, but not until I told them everything I knew.

Believe it or not, even after all that I felt tied to him like a dog on a leash. I could do what I wanted, but was restricted from straying too far. I was scared of him at this point. He'd stolen my life, who knew what else he'd take. Then he came back to me again. This time a very different feeling came over me. I was no longer in awe of him, I was leery. My heart jumped, not skipped when I saw him. I looked in those once beautiful brown eyes and saw deeper into the swirling, conscienceless abyss. I had realized he was bad. I had also realized that I had to do something, anything to get away. And far.

I look back now, every once in a while, and think how it might be with him. Good news for me that shortly after the thought comes to mind it is overridden by the love I have now for myself, my family, and all the things I have wanted with him, but gained on my own.


Valuable Links
For Parents- To Prevent Their Boys From Becoming Abusive

Support for Battered Women

How To Identify Abusive Relationships

Not All Indie Movies Suck

One of my favorite movies is Indie. Also known as independent or an independent film. Nonetheless, not all of them suck. I hear it all the time from my friends, who, like many people in America don't understand the finer quality that an Indie movie produces. Indie movies aren't the everyday crap you find on YouTube or some other junky "movie" site. Indie movies are real, full-length movies that you can find on the Sundance Channel all-day everyday or other movie channels very early in the morning.
One of My favorite Indie films is "Photographing Fairies." How many of you have heard of it? This particular movie is about the two young girls who can see fairies, and the rest of the world just wants to exploit them. Meanwhile, the fairies act in a role filled by very few film makers. They take the role of a soon-to-be extinct (fill in the blank.) It makes you think. The film makers did a wonderful job at making the fairies very believable as well as realistic. There is no sound or film breakups, no crappy looking props, no hokey themes or sets (like "Plan 9 from Outer Space" for example). It's a great movie and a wonderful must-see for any parent of young girls, any girl younger than 15, and women who still are young girls at heart (like me). This movie will (I promise) change the perception that most people have about Independent films.
After this one, maybe you'll give a few others a try, and hopefully, finally expand that movie collection that only consists of mainstream films.

Stupid Girls

Dear Bloggers & Blog Readers,
I had to write a post on this subject, because, well, I am one. At least I was one. You know that every girl at one point has heard all the "fairy tale" stories about love. You know the ones, the girl is wonderful and has something special to offer, there is always a prince, who, when he finds the girl is swept away by her beauty and grace. What I've learned and what the stories don't tell you, is that 90% of the time the prince is absolutely wonderful while wooing the girl, but afterward, when he's had her for a while, he turns into something even worse than the beast. I'd beg for the beast right about now, and if you've been there you know what I mean.
As it seems, I'm not the stupidest girl in America. That title is strictly there for my best friend, Jenny. Now, she was my best friend in High School and for a few years out. I still think of her, and pray for her, because I know she isn't doing it for herself. Jenny has made a few possibly irreparable mistakes, as well as a few good faith mistakes. We all make those, the good faith ones. At least I know I have, but I can't speak for everyone.
I always pictured her with a wonderful man who would sweep her off her feet constantly and consistantly. She deserves someone like that. Jenny is beautiful, a wonderful, caring, and generous woman. She looks like a perfect mix of Britney Spears (body) and Snow White (complexion) with the brightest, most sparkling, sky blue eyes ever granted to a human being by God himself. She's a wonderful mother and a devoted wife. The only real bad part to her is that she is very gullible.
As far as good faith is concerned she's made the mistake of falling in love. Not just in general, but with someone that is against her faithful upbringing entirely. Her husband, Jonathan, is Wiccan. She thought like everyone else has at one point that Wicca is not really a religion, that it was just a game you play with magic. To me, Wicca is the devil's religion, though I may receive many hate messages to counter that idea. What she knows, and what I know, and what all our friends know is that this behavior of rituals and spell-casting is bringing her further away from God. Any Christian knows that if you carry yourself away from the Lord, his blessings get further away as well.
Now, she has turned her back on her family, her friends, and most of the goodness she knew in her life before. Jonathan tempted her and because she is so gullible, she fell for it. Not that I'm calling it a failure of self, by chance. It sounds very familiar as far as most womens lives are concerned, though not generally to this extremity. When she turned to this man (the term "man" used very loosely in this case) she must've been looking for a father for her daughter. Her daughter's father being in jail and not accepting his paternity, she had no choice but to find her a role-model of some sort. What she didn't bargain on, was a father-figure who was more like a nightmare. He decided that his wife wasn't good enough to be in bed with, so he took out his disgusting fantasies on her daughter. Subsequently, her daughter was removed from her care by DSS. Many other factors came in to play as well, but for the sake of sealed records, I'll keep my mouth shut. She stood by him through that. That alone is enough to call her a stupid girl, but no, there is more. Instead of leaving him and fighting like hell to get her daughter back, she decided to not only stay with him, but to have another child with him, to try to make him stay with her. (Insert heart attack here.) They had a beautiful baby boy, that looks just like her.
And that's where I must leave you. To wonder where this woman is, how she is doing, and how her family is getting along without her. I don't know these answers. All I can hope for is that my prayers are being heard and that she is safe. There are women out in the world everyday who make the same mistakes she has made and they are no longer with us. I pray she isn't one of them. We love you, Jenny.