I DON'T WANT YOU!

Why does it seem that everywhere I go some vile, disgusting, homeless-looking, old man wants to mess with me? I'm about a 6 out of 10 on the hot-o-meter. There's NO REASON for this! Look, the fact is that if I want you, I'll tell you.

Guys? Do you hear the words that are coming out of my mouth?! You do know I wrote a blog about this situation already. If you are too old to have learned how to read, and thus are unable to read it, then you have NO REASON to mess with me. If you have read it, but you still for some dumb ass reason think that you're gonna try to get with me, don't. I know how men are. I know how OLD MEN are. I know how YOU are. I don't want you. I'll never want you. It's just not happening. Get a clue. Buy one, steal one, barter one, do a favor for someone else just to get your pathetic hands on one. PLEASE!

If you fall under any of these categories, I DON'T WANT YOU.
A. If you are old enough to be my father, or are more than 14 years older than me, I DON'T WANT YOU.
B. If you can't figure out how a shower works, I DON'T WANT YOU.
C. If you are unable to obtain a driving license, I DON'T WANT YOU.
D. If you are unable to read for any reason including blindness, I DON'T WANT YOU.
E. If you are unable to beg a barber to chop your mop, I DON'T WANT YOU.
F. If the last razor you ever used looked like a knife, I DON'T WANT YOU.
G. If you have more wrinkles on your face than my mother, I DON'T WANT YOU.
H. If you have ever called a person my age a "young'un", I DON'T WANT YOU.
I. If you cuss constantly about how everything is a mess, yet you lift no finger to fix/clean it, I DON'T WANT YOU.
J. If your fondest memory involves WW2, Vietnam, any car brand-new before 1977, or Marilyn Monroe, I DON'T WANT YOU.
K. If you're pissed-off at me for writing this and think first of calling AARP, I DON'T WANT YOU.
L. If you qualify for Medicare, I DON'T WANT YOU.
M. If you still wear black socks with shorts, I DON'T WANT YOU.
N. If half your house is falling in, and you DON'T care (or that's how you remember it being all your life), I DON'T WANT YOU.
O. If you still swear that outhouses are cleaner than bathrooms, I DON'T WANT YOU.
P. If ANY of your offspring are my age or older, I DON'T WANT YOU.
And last, Q. If you only have more teeth than me because they're fake, I DON'T WANT YOU!!!

Assuming reality is what it is, I hope to God this can only make it's point across. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, guys. Doesn't matter if you're a rich billionaire with no family, no friends, no heir, and one foot in the grave, because guess what? I STILL DON'T WANT YOU!!!