Attention People 25-35 Years Young!!!

We revolt about everything nowadays, like gay/lesbian rights, how much the President sucks, and the ever popular anti-war, so since the older generation has their retro TV station, why can't we?

I have sent millions of emails to Nickelodeon (mostly), PBS and Disney literally begging for a channel where the broadcast our beloved 80's shows. Apparently nobody else does, because they haven't done anything about it. Just for a refresher, here's the list of shows for Nickelodeon that I have asked for (accompanied by a picture for those of us who can't remember names). Just for your information, I can't exactly remember all of them.

NICKELODEON
David The Gnome

Belle & Sebastian

Today's Special

You Can't Do That On Television

Hey Dude

Kids Incorporated

The Elephant Show

Eureeka's Castle

Finder's Keepers *game show*

Little Prince

Danger Mouse

The Noozles

Mr. Wizard


As you may notice, if you were to dredge up all of the old 80's goodies from Nick you'd have one hell of a great network for us "parent-aged" nostalgia junkies. Now if they'd only bring back the Big Wheel...

Special Thanks To:
johnnorrisbrown.com
crowncombo.com
kidsincorporated.us
retrojunk.com
and failedsuccess.com

A Totally Girly Subject

If you are male or have an extra organ between your legs that prevents you from comfortably sitting on a pole, you may wanna turn to another post.

First Phase What is with the crappy lingerie designers man? I want something cute, sexy, or even comfortable, but NOBODY carries anything like that in my size. Even after giving birth to 2 kids and breastfeeding one, I am still a size 38AA. So a very understandable question comes to mind. What the hell do I need an underwire for? I's OK, you may laugh. I laugh every time I find a bra in my size (which is VERY rare) and read that it has an underwire. I have very little to hold up and elastic has always held just fine. I also get mad because EVERY bra in my size is white. None of them have colors or patterns on them like the bigger sizes do. Why is that? Do the designers automatically think that just because your boobs are small, that you'll never have anyone to show them to? All I can say on that one is "Get a clue!"

Second Phase Why does "plus size" always have to mean that you have huge gazongas?*see pic 1* I'll put it this way, I'd be the new Anna Nicole Smith if my chest size matched my ass. My measurements are as follows: 38AA-29-46/length 34. I am real. I promise, so why can't fashion designers make seperates and dresses for girls like me? I feel sorry for my daughter, because she's going to turn out just like me with massive amounts of trouble finding clothes.

Third Phase What's with the skinny ass "plus size" models?*see pic 2* No matter how you look at me I am not skinny. Not many "plus size" women I know of are skinny either. Putting a dress on a skinny model will NOT show me how the dress looks on ME.

Last Phase Last but not least, I am NOT trying to bring the 70's back in my wardrobe,*see pic 3* I'm not a black woman *see pic 4*, nor am I trying to pretend I'm 80 *see pic 5*, so why are all the big clothes designed like that?

Pic #1

Picture from Silhouettes.com
Pic #2

Picture from Silhouettes.com
Pic #3

Picture from SizeAppeal.com
Pic #4

Picture from Roamans.com
Pic #5

Picture from WomanWithin.com (Lane Bryant)

The Disgusted America

I'm going to give you a list of crap that I'm sure by now everyone is disgusted with in America:

#1: "Who da baby daddy is?" shows
Jerry Springer makes me puke. not just regular puking either. Puking followed by convulsions and strong dizziness. What the hell are these people thinking going on these shows and telling the world that they're big sluts and can't figure out who the father of their 4 month - 8 year old is? There is no set demographic who goes on more often either. You'd think that only ghetto or redneck women go on. Not really. I've seen a few episodes where there've been women in their 30's or 40's from a suburban neighborhood, married, and still can't tell their husband that he is (without a doubt) the father. It's grotesque, and thus, ranks number one on my list.

#2: Fat kids obsessed about WWE
Wrestling is a healthy sport. It requires very good nutritional values, athleticism, a daily workout regimen, a fit (if not toned) body structure, and dedication to the requirements. Nowhere in the list of the requirements does it say you can sit on your hiney eating Cheetos, drink sugary sodas, get fat and call it muscle, and confuse big strong people with big fat people. To my best knowledge there is only one sport that requires large amounts of fat be on your body. Sumo, it's not that popular here mostly because not all of us are Chinese, and we don't all worship Buddha (a gigantic fat guy). It's not our custom to revere people of large stature. It's our custom to maintain a healthy lifestyle and I'm sorry, but dying at the age of 40 just isn't cool.



#3: People who think they know all the facts about the war in Iraq
This one's easy. See previous "War in Iraq" blog. That should be self-explanatory.

#4: Drunks
We see them everyday on our way to work, begging for our money, our mercy, pity, whatever. It's sickening. I understand many of them are helpable, but for every one who is, there are like 20 more who aren't. People who simply refuse to stop. They don't realize they hurt everyone by doing what they do. Worldwide America has a bad reputation because of our rampant alcohol abuse. Some countries don't care (i.e. France, they don't care about anyone but themselves), some countries love it (i.e. Mexico and Germany, who profit off of our incessant imbibing), and everyone else hates us.



Last but not least...
#5: Stick-figure chicks
Why is it that no one makes lingerie to fit a REAL woman? Full figured is one thing, but I'm "backwards" figured. Meaning instead of my chest being huge and my ass disappearing from view, I'm the other way around. My chest is that of a 13 year old and my ass is straight up a "ghetto booty." God made me this way, however, why is it so hard for clothiers to acknowledge women like me? We exist I promise, you just never see a "backwards" model. I'm tall, not fat, muscular, strong, blonde, (I think I am) sexy, and I want clothes that FIT!!!

dead-beats

The War In Iraq & Elections

Why is it that so many people are against the war in Iraq? Do they realize that they know nothing about what's going on there? There are reasons why we don't know anything. If we all knew every gory detail that the President is privy to, we'd be running in the streets like mad people or moving frantically to other countries. There are very few operations that the American government actually releases to the press for that very same reason. The things we hear of are the dumbed-down versions of real events that took place and generally we hear of them 2-3 days after they already occurred.

If you feel misinformed you aren't the only one. All I can say really about the matter is that it doesn't matter which President we elect into office, because the candidates running only know half the story. Once a President is elected and sworn in, then they go through a rigorous week of meetings, briefings, and informative work sessions. Although the bits and pieces that the candidates do know add up to more than we do, they still have no real clue what lies in store for them once they take office. Don't forget now all those promises that your particular candidate has lined up for a specific pull-out date. Only to warn you, they may re-think the matter once they get all their briefings. Only those brave men and women fighting for our country know the full brutal truth about this war. And even then, not all of them know every gory detail.

Every war-time country has had second thoughts about it's involvement, this isn't new. Don't you think that France, a normally peaceful country, had second thoughts about it's involvement in WW2? What about Poland? Taking in all those refugees they were lucky that they weren't dragged in as well. We aren't the only nation to be pulled into a war larger than us.

Many also forget that this is a war that is a modern day extension of the same war started over 2,000 years ago. The only difference now is that the world has modern day weapons and tools that they didn't have that long ago, as well as many democratic countries that see these stories on the news and call out for a fight we know is much bigger than just "people". This is a religious war. Think about how you feel about your religion. Would you stand up and fight day-in and day-out, knowing that the cause you fight for is a different cause that the other side fights for just as fervently? Certainly I would. Would you stop fighting all of a sudden just because a country that hasn't had anything to do with you all this time jumps in and tells you how to run things? I didn't think so.

Just keep that in mind before you jump up and yell that this war is criminal. Also remember that the day after 9/11/01 we all begged to get inon this fight. And now, just because so many lives are being lost, we are begging to pull out.

God Bless Our Troops... All of them.

The Beckhams and American Soccer

True Americans as a whole don't watch soccer. The only ones that actually do are either of Latino decent or are the weenie children of obsessive mothers who want their children to feel like winners, but can't accept the fact that every real sport causes some injury.

Does anyone know who created soccer? I'd like to find them and beat them over the head with a shoe. This happens to be the stupidest sport ever known to man. It has no point. It requires very little skill to play. Anyone who can run back and forth down a field and kick something is a master of the sport. Congratulations to you. Soccer as a whole is a dumbed down version of many of our most popular games, which, get vastly more viewing time per capita than the pathetic game of soccer.

Take basketball for instance. In basketball you do have to run back and forth on the court, however, you must enact harder skills than just kicking something. In basketball, it's actually hard to throw a three-pointer. You have to have good aim- hand/eye coordination if you will. Also, instead of just kicking it down a field/court you have to keep that same hand/eye coordination and dribble taking special care not to move without that ball moving as well. Thank God you can touch it.

I haven't quite yet figured out what makes soccer appealing. You can't just plow through people with intent to knock them over or hurt them (i.e. American football and hockey), you can't hit it with a stick to score points (i.e. baseball, cricket, and field hockey), and you definitely can't touch the ball with your hands at all (i.e. every other sport known to man).

Now, onto the most laughable thing I've ever heard of in my life. Some crappy team in L.A. actually signed David Beckham to their soccer team to boost viewership. Oh yeah, a British guy came to America with his very over-played wife, we'll pay him 3 times what he's worth because we're desperate to bring in viewers to a sport that most Americans hate anyway. I feel so sorry to tell you "unknown L.A. soccer team" you wasted your money. From how I take it, whatever team he was on in the UK was planning on retiring his ass anyway, because he is OLD. Not to mention that just because some stupid British guy and his wanna-be supermodel wife have come to America DOES NOT mean that more people are going to watch that stupid game.

Do I know who the hell won the "whatever kind of cup or bowl you win in soccer"? NO. Do I care? Absolutely not. Would I rather shoot off half my foot than watch a full-length game of soccer just one time? Pass me the gun and make sure the bullets aren't duds or blanks please.

Senseless Murder

My boyfriend and I have just recorded the "Geraldo At Large: The Pizza Bomber." All I have to say about this is, "WTF were they thinking?" Why in the world would you kill 2 innocent people, rob a bank with one of them (who, by the way, had no idea he was being used until it was too late) for the measly sum of just over $8,000 that you weren't going to keep, but that you were going to use to pay off someone to kill one of your family members? I don't get it.

One would think that the person who came up with this stupid ass plan would do it just a little differently. Like, maybe, put the "bomb" (in this case not a real one) around someone they trusted's neck to rob the bank, or simply just rob the damn bank yourself if you want. Duh! It was an elaborate plan with no outcome except jail-time and the thought that every human in the U.S. is laughing at you for being so stupid, as well as puking all night long in the bathroom at the thought of the horrendous acts you have performed against humanity. It is even more upsetting to me that Marjorie Diehl-Armstrong looks almost exactly like my ex-boyfriend's drunken whore of a mother. She'd only have to be shorter and skinnier. I can very closely imagine that the two of them would have the same criminally insane mind ticking away in their heads. ::shudder:: Disturbing...

Why did you have to kill your boyfriend you stupid bitch? Did he threaten to tell the authorities, or are you just extremely paranoid? You could've just dumped his butt before you made all these plans. Very few things piss me off more than people who call themselves smart, but refuse to think things through.

Ick!

Pardon my incessant ranting, but could you please tell me what kind of disgusting freak would kidnap a child, have their way with her, then instead of just letting her go, you have to go off and kill her? WTF is going on nowadays? Are they putting some sort of experimental "pedophile chemical" in the water or something?

Now don't get me wrong here, I truly think that all of the above things are horrible and should never have to happen to any child no matter how cute, but why can't they just pick one? Like why can't they just kidnap them without doing anything to them (if it's such a big rush as they say)? Why not just molest them? As much as this may sound (and is) totally wrong. By all means don't do it if you're thinking that you may get away with it, 'cause you won't. This is AMERICA, not Somalia. We care about ALL of our people here, even the ones that you nasties may be thinking don't get any love from our parents. Trust me sickos, we don't need any of your kind of love. Yours comes with a price we are unwilling to pay. As for me and my family, if you ever think about making my family pay that price, you will find yourself at the hollow end of my 20 gauge. I have damn good aim.

Where does this rant come from, you ask? Oddly enough I myself am a victim of childhood sexual abuse. There are records of this in Fairfax County Court, if you find out my last name. Which, is very unlikely. My case was very upsetting to my father and I. In my case my own mother (who was divorced from my father at the time and re-married) fought in court against me to tell them that I was lying. It was my step-father who did it. But, I digress... this rant is not supposed to be about me. I am fortunate in this case. Why couldn't I have died when I was 12 instead of some of these other kids who had both loving parents? I don't know the answer to that, but I would love to find out. I guess I was lucky, but I still don't think that's fair. Most acts of juvenile abuse end without the victim able to tell their story. This disgusts me to no end.

I remember all the children who've died in my lifetime, but no others. I'm not that old. This is sad. I dedicate this rant to all of the parents who have suffered this horrible loss, to the parents of survivors of sexual molestation, incest and rape, and all parents of kidnapped children who have yet to be found. My heart goes out to all of you.

Who Are These People?

I'm sure everyone has noticed about 20 billion people all over the 'net who have their own blog. Congratulate me, I'm the last one, besides my grandmother who is too old to know how to use a computer. I'd been holding out for a long time wondering what kind of blog I'd create. You see, back in high school I was wonderfully blessed with at least a handful of friends, but it these latter years I've found that very few people I knew then are worth hanging out with now. So, I always thought that creating a blog that no one will ever read would be stupid. I also do not believe in "whoring" myself all over the internet to attempt to become the worlds most successful e-friend ever known to man. I'm just me. Simple, country, non-scholarly me, who is generally shunned by most, loved by the very few who gave me enough of a chance to get to know the real me, and hated by everyone who ever went to school for many years of their life and still don't know a damn thing about this crappy world. After all, who the hell are these people anyway?

Do you realize that the "hot guy" that you made friends with on MySpace is either a nerd who really wants to be popular, your 12 year old brother (who, by the way, thinks that letter you wrote about him on your page was the most hysterical thing ever, and he took it to show-and-tell this morning), or some really old dude who sits around his computer all day and scratches himself in "places" every time he sees your pic on his top 8.

You see, what y'all haven't learned yet is a thing I learned when I was eleven. Everyone, (or most people, to be perfectly PC) if given enough lee-way will undoubtedly screw someone over (even people they know and love) just to get something that wasn't worth all the trouble. See, you can look back and see a time (or, for some of us, well over one time) when someone treated you like crap, just to get something they really wanted. Trust me on this one, I've done it to people at least 4 times I can remember and at least 500 times it's been done to me. So next time you see someone's blog somewhere, just ask yourself, who is that person? (Really?)
Oh and just to let you know, I am me, but don't trust that either. I might not feel like myself tomorrow.