Family Curse

Sometimes I wonder if my family is cursed. Most of the time I just think I am. I wonder, because so many bad things have happened in the very short time I've been alive.

The Beginning

First my mom cheated on my father with some other guy and had a baby that was very very "handicapped", shall we say. They decided to put her up for adoption in 1983, when my mom was pregnant with my little sister and I was one year old. When I was 4, my mother and father split.

Seven

A few years later my older sister (she was 4 years older than me and 5 1/2 years older than my little sis) moved in with my mom stating that she couldn't stand living with my father anymore. My baby sister and I didn't have a choice but to stay with him. About 15 months later my older sister went to court with my mom and testified that my mother should have the right to visitation with us. Everything went OK, I guess, until summer of 1993 came.

Eleven

That summer I was 11. That's the summer I started my menses and that was also the summer I'd attempt to forget every day of the rest of my life. I still attempt. It never works.
My eleventh summer is when my step-father decided to be all gross. I know now what I didn't know then. I was abused. Molested they tell me. In technicality, I was raped. He put his "worm" inside me. I know I was raped. No one can tell me different. The worst part wasn't the rape, though. The second worst part was when I finally got up the nerve to tell my father, that he didn't believe me. I kept coming home that summer crying or upset, and soon, he started to believe it.
My father took me to file charges against my step-father, but I didn't know what to tell the police. I just told them what I'd been telling my father. I told them that I was being touched in places that I only touched in the bathtub. I also asked them what it meant when a person stuck something squishy inside you and it hurt. I explained everything in gory detail. I didn't want to remember, I didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted it all to stop, but I didn't want my mom to hate me, because of it. I was assured that my mother wouldn't hate me if I told them.
So we went to court, and here's the number one worst part, my mother testified on his behalf and called me a little liar! So guess what? He walked! I'd like to see him get away with that kind of thing now. What with all this sex-offender stuff going on. He should be on that list, forever.

Fourteen

So I caused a little strain on my mother's second marriage. Turns out in the end that I wasn't the only one who got abused by him. She did, too. Just in a different way. My mom found out about 3 years later that he'd been cheating on her ever since that year we went to court. There went another marriage for her. The only real bad part to that was watching my 2 half-brothers grow up with no father. They wouldn't have long before they'd have one, though.

Sixteen

I was a good kid, except that my grades sucked and I was officially a teenager. I admit it now, I was a STUPID teenager. I thought having sex was a joke. I learned it wasn't when I found myself pregnant at the ripe old age of sixteen. I wasn't near old enough to take care of a baby and my father wouldn't allow it anyway. I was forced to put my beautiful daughter up for adoption. I didn't want to do it, but I really had no choice. I was told by my father "If you want to keep her, I'll sign emancipation papers for you and you can be on your way, or give her up and I'll allow you to stay here until you graduate." I found out less than 2 years later that that statement was a lie.

Eighteen

About 4 years later my mother started dating her current husband. I was dating a very nice man named Chris. He was substantially older than me, but I loved him. It was mid-March of 2000, in the early morning before school, and my father told me it was time I left. I confronted him about the statement he had made when I was 16 on how he was going to let me stay until I graduated. He said that he faintly remembered something like that, but he wanted me to go, anyway. I asked him how I was expected to graduate. He told me that it was no longer his problem, I was eighteen and I'd have to figure out my own life. I went to school that day, telling all of my friends goodbye and that I didn't know where I'd have to move to. No one believed me. Actually, it was more like no one believed my father could be so cruel. They believed it when they never saw me again. I asked Chris if he could take me in. He told me it wouldn't be a problem considering I already had a job, so I stayed with him. I never thought of going to my mom for help, since she and I weren't very close (for obvious reasons).

Twenty

Chris was wonderful to me and we were planning on being married in 2003. One day when I was coming home from work he snapped. That's all I can think of to call it. He beat me up, accused me of cheating on him, kicked me out onto the street, and told me that if he ever saw me again he'd kill me. I was grief-stricken to the point of madness. I was told by the policeman who picked me up 3 miles north of where I lived at the time, that it would be good for me to seek mental help. I took his advice, knowing I didn't have anywhere else to go. I was admitted to Mount Vernon Hospital, Mental Health Unit 4. I had no way to pay for it. That's one of my larger debt bills currently chilling on my crappy credit report. Guess who got me out when I was cleared for release. Nope. My daughter's biological father, Mike. Mike hooked me back up with Chris. I'd love to kill him for that, but unfortunately I don't know where he is. Turns out that both of us needed some help. He went to Snowden for his treatment. It turns out that he was severely stressed out. I doubt that's the real problem. Chris told me that I should go stay with my mother (we'd gotten closer over the years) because she needed help babysitting the boys. So I did. I dated him again (stupid me) for another 5-6 months before he got on my nerves, so to make sure he never came back, I stole a condom from somewhere (can't really remember now, I think it was from my mom), put a mixture of flour and water in it and left it inconspicuously hanging from the edge of the trash can next to my bed. Just like clockwork, he thought I'd cheated on him, and so, we've never talked since.

Twenty Three

I was in love. Madly in love. Again. Just like Chris, this man was the one, except for his cousin who was hanging around for some unknown reason. Paul was everything I'd ever wanted in a man, except for the fact that he couldn't stay home. I was blind for 3 months, just long enough to get pregnant, and then I found out the truth. The cousin that was hanging around all the time, wasn't his cousin. She was his other girlfriend and, on top of that, the reason why he was never home is because he was also married. He wasn't just cheating on me, he was fucking me over. He kicked me out when his girlfriend noticed that I might be pregnant. Everyone wanted to kill me, and one girl almost did. Elizabeth, Paul's wife, had found out a little background on me and told my ex-before-Paul that I was pregnant with his child. Randy came running when he found out that I was pregnant and homeless. Some might say that's a good thing. Truthfully, I would've been better off in prison. Randy was a drunk. He was a 24-7 drunk which meant that you'd ever know when you had it coming. I was 5 months pregnant and having my ass beat everyday. A few times he'd wake me up with a 2x4 to the back. I couldn't take it anymore and moved in with a 63 year old man, who didn't treat me like that, but cheated on me all the time.

Twenty Four

I didn't care anymore. My life at this point sucked and the only thing I had to look forward to everyday was having my baby. I was having a boy. Creid (pronounced "Kreed") Alan was born early March, 2006 at 31 weeks. I was accused of doing something bad to make him come out so early. I was also accused of not being able to take care of him properly. I had also been turned in by Paul, Donna (his girlfriend), and Elizabeth (his wife) to Social Services stating that I was a druggy and I was unfit to care for him. They wanted to take my baby and raise him in their disgusting love triangle. Not gonna happen. I went through hell, high water, and torrential rains with hurricane force winds to keep my son out of the hands of his biological father. He didn't care about me when I was pregnant, so why care about the baby that was part of me?

Twenty Five

Here I am, today, 25 years old, I've seen my son at least once a month since he's been born, and Paul has never clapped eyes on him in person, nor has any of those other creatures that he's been whoring around with. Many people ask me why I still seem so happy. I tell them, because there's nothing wrong with me that will kill me, and my son is a healthy happy baby who looks more and more like me everyday. There's no reason why I should be bitter or pissed or even depressed, because I have the ability to get everything I want in any given moment.

I wonder if that curse still exists?

Things I've Never Had

This will be a list meant for you to get to know me a little better and for me to be able to tell you some things you might not know, along with a few pictures to make it all pretty.
I've Never Had...
...the chance to raise my son.
... a "swimsuit model" body.
...a wonderful childhood.
... everything handed to me on a silver platter.
... very much money.
... a home of my own.
... a normal sense of humor.
... a million dollar wardrobe, or, a fashionable wardrobe.
... the ability to wear socks, ever.
... the ability to resist a giant mud hole.
... someone worth marrying.
... a steady job.
... my own doctor.
... gay tendencies.
... a love-handle free body.
... a guy ask me out on a real date.
... a love for soccer.
... an ugly face.
... no hope.
... a life not worth living.
... a pessimistic view.
... an illiterate vocabulary.
... just one Pringle. LOL.
I may add a few things as I think of them.

America's Prison System

America's prison system is failing, miserably. We have more people in all of our prisons than all the other nations in the world, we have more prisons and jails than any other country (and are building new ones every year). And, believe it or not depending upon where you live, there may be more laws restricting your activities than there are in some communist countries. There are stupid laws still enforced in every state, there are stupid laws in every state that aren't currently enforced, though if one wanted to, they could use those against you, too. I live in Virginia. I'll throw down what it's like to live here.
All of these laws are "blue laws" meaning they are still on the books, but aren't really enforced. However, should a public official learn to hate you or hold a grudge, they can be used against you, because they've never been amended off of the books.

**It is illegal not only to purchase, own, or steal a bath tub, but it's also illegal to have one in your house or in the backyard.---

I'll be taking all my showers in the front yard from now on.

**It is illegal to have sex out of wedlock.---

I should've been in jail a long time ago.

**The state laws prohibit "corrupt practices of bribery by any other person than a cndidate for office."---

Give it up to our Republican state.

**No animal can be hunted on Sunday, except raccoons, which can be hunted until 2 am.---

Thanks for the extra 2 hours, but you can't eat a raccoon...

**It is illegal to engage in business on Sunday, except for almost every industry.---

Why even have that law?

**All cars must honk while passing other cars.---

Uh, I thought we learned in Driver's Education not to do that...

**Children are not allowed to go Trick-Or-Treating on Halloween, but every other day is OK.---

Me: "Come on honey, lets go Trick-Or-Treating today!" Kid: "But Mom, it's Thanksgiving! All they're giving out is turkey!"

**It is illegal to tickle women.---

Is it illegal to tickle men, too?

I'm including this one as a state-wide law because (according to it's wording) it affects the whole state.
**It is illegal for any colored person to be outside or inside the Dayton city limits after 7 pm.---

OK, all the black people, out of VA after 7 pm. Sorry, they don't say when you can come back.

Our seperate municipalities have some freakish laws too, but I decided it's better for my cause if I list the ones that are on the books and currently enforced. Some of these piss everyone who lives here off.

If any person shall, in the presence or hearing of another, curse or abuse such other person, or use any violent abusive language to such person concerning himself or any of his relations, or otherwise use such language, under circumstances reasonably calculated to provoke a breach of the peace, he shall be guilty of a Class 3 misdemeanor.
(Code 1950, § 18.1-255; 1960, c. 358; 1975, cc. 14, 15.)---

If you cuss me out, I can lock you up for a year. Ha! Payback's a bitch.

these are just a few of the horrible things that are illegal in VA, there are, across America, many more like this that are jail-able offenses. We ask, "Why are these things illegal?" My answer, "Because America decides what we do, instead of us deciding what we do."

It's very possible that the cops could come barging in my door to lock me up for even writing this blog, as having a dissenting opinion on any subject in America is also technically, illegal. I completely hold up my right to free speech, contextual or otherwise, to keep me out of jail for writing this blog.

If some of the things that are illegal here weren't illegal (much like other countries), then we wouldn't have so many people in the prison system. They could do house arrest for a lot of the minor offenses like misdemeanors and literally cut prison intakes by 18%. That's about 360,000 people out of the prison system. Less mouths to feed, less money required by the government to house our criminals. Makes sense to me.

Is It Just Me?

or are forums pathetic? I just signed up for Comcast forums and they limit EVERYTHING. They have no services for people using Macs and lots of people get away with just whining about everything. I thought blogs were created so that people could whine at their own discretion. I do sometimes. Like now. Short blog. Done ranting.

Ok, kill me. None of my other blogs have anything to do with the book whose manuscript I am currently working on, except for a few tid bits at the end where I give really vague updates. I apologize for that. Unfortunately, due to the more rogue-ish people out there, I attempt to give myself some protection from thieves by not telling everything about the storyline, the title, or even the relations of the characters themselves. I'd hate for all my work to be shot to pieces because of some despicable person. I've been working too hard and too long, over a year so far, on this and don't want to lose it all. Before you get any ideas about stealing any of my characters, I've sent my full character list to a private publisher, so technically its already copyrighted. You steal any of this, I WILL sue you into a hole. Fair warning.

Now that all the unfortunate bull is explained, I am going to clue you in on the very few things I can tell you. It is a fairy tale. Not so much a prince/princess story, but a true "fairy" tale. The main character is Azure. Her partner is Butterscotch, a dragon that is only twice her size. They go on many journeys together and under this course, Azure grows up. Right now I'm working on the part of the marriage scene, which involves Azure and he best friend from childhood, Brass. from what I've been told, (there've been many friends of mine who've read through various unfinished parts of the manuscript)that the whole storyline is so different from any others that they've read and that it is very engaging. I take that as a compliment. You don't know how badly I'd love to put up the first chapter on here, but unfortunately, the first paragraph of this blog covers why I can't. Just thought all my loyal readers would love to know what's going on.

Real Friends

Everyone has something to say about who their REAL friends are. I've never had many REAL friends. I've had a whole butt-load of fakes, users, and the occasional abuser. The very few real friends I have had have either moved or I very rarely get to see them anymore, because I move too much.

My first real friend I obtained in elementary school. Her name was Cassie. She was a lot like me back then. We were both outcasts. She was because her parents were poor. Me, because I was fat. She moved when I was in 6th grade, to Manassas. It was really weird though, because I ended up finding her through one of my boyfriend's friends after high school. The world was so tiny then. She barely recognized me, because I got so tall and I wasn't fat anymore. She wasn't doing very well, pretty deep in the drug scene, and I haven't seen her since. I've always wondered if she's still living.

Another friend I really miss is Leah. She moved to Illinois during the summer of our 9th grade year. She was really cute, but everyone made fun of her because of her last name. She must've heard everything from Bugger to Booger. She dated my daughter's father, Mike, for a little while. That didn't help matters much. He wasn't exactly the cutest monkey in the bunch. As a matter of fact, his given nickname was Booger, mostly because he looked like one. LOL. Leah and I lived pretty close together so we'd see each other all the time. I've spent a few happy birthdays with her. I just wonder if she still remembers me.

Another friend is Melissa. She lived literally 2 blocks away and was friends with me for a long time. She's the one who hooked me up with Jimmy. He was my first love. She introduced me to her next door neighbor, Amber who was my age, but she went to a different school. I know that the years we spent at Old Mill Park talking about boys and hanging out smoking our parents cigarettes was the best. I still remember how we used to talk about boys and all she'd talk about was Bobby. I'll give it to you, girl. Bobby was cute. She moved to Galveston, Texas sometime near her sophomore year. She was the only one who my dad thought was a bad seed. I dunno why. I haven't heard anything from her after that.

Jimmy was my first love and as far as I know I was his second. His mother hated me. I think she still does. Even after Jimmy and I broke up, he remained my confidant. Lately I haven't been checking in like I should. I doubt he's worried though. He knows how I am. Headstrong to the point of insanity. He knows I'm the one fish in the sea nobody can change. No matter what you do to me. I think he probably still thinks of me, but after me having kids, there's no hope for us. Even though we did make a pact in 10th grade that if we were single come the time I turned 30, we'd try again. I doubt now, that it would go very well. It might. I might be famous by then, LOL. He knows though, that he'll always have a piece of my heart.

I already wrote a post about the next one. Jenny. She and I were as close as good friends could get. She gave birth to her daughter right after my daughter turned 9 months. I helped her through her whole pregnancy, helped get her all the things she'd need, and for the first few months, I helped her take care of her. We weren't like, involved or anything, just super-close. I'm the one that hooked her up with the one man that her heart will ever truly belong to, Brice. He and Jenny were perfect, except when her mother got involved. I can't imagine how her mother is near happy with the man she ended up with as a result. All of that is listed in one of my older blogs entitled "Stupid Girls". Nonetheless, life tore us apart. I'm sure she wishes everyday that she didn't pick a horrible relationship over her friendship with me. I'm not about to rub that in her face though. That would be unfriendly. I will always be her friend, regardless. Should she so choose to leave him, I do know where and how she can get a hold of Brice. I have his APO.

Last, but nowhere near least is Jessi. She and I have been good friends since we met. I was living next door to her and pregnant with my son, Creid. She was due in March, I was due in May. Her son was born, February 3. My son was born, literally, one month later. She was the only person who I could talk to and ask advice about taking care of a baby. My mother was nowhere around and my father didn't care. She took me in some months later in the aftermath of the Jenny episode, because I didn't have any home. I'm not sure how I could ever repay that.

All of these friends of mine I clearly remember and they've played a vital role in teaching me things I'd never know otherwise. Love, Strength, Loyalty, Imagination, True Friendship. Y'all are all going to be famous, too. Your place is in the annals of time, in the "Special Thanks" page in my first published manuscript. I just hope they read it. They'll find that many of my characters are based on them.

I DON'T WANT YOU!

Why does it seem that everywhere I go some vile, disgusting, homeless-looking, old man wants to mess with me? I'm about a 6 out of 10 on the hot-o-meter. There's NO REASON for this! Look, the fact is that if I want you, I'll tell you.

Guys? Do you hear the words that are coming out of my mouth?! You do know I wrote a blog about this situation already. If you are too old to have learned how to read, and thus are unable to read it, then you have NO REASON to mess with me. If you have read it, but you still for some dumb ass reason think that you're gonna try to get with me, don't. I know how men are. I know how OLD MEN are. I know how YOU are. I don't want you. I'll never want you. It's just not happening. Get a clue. Buy one, steal one, barter one, do a favor for someone else just to get your pathetic hands on one. PLEASE!

If you fall under any of these categories, I DON'T WANT YOU.
A. If you are old enough to be my father, or are more than 14 years older than me, I DON'T WANT YOU.
B. If you can't figure out how a shower works, I DON'T WANT YOU.
C. If you are unable to obtain a driving license, I DON'T WANT YOU.
D. If you are unable to read for any reason including blindness, I DON'T WANT YOU.
E. If you are unable to beg a barber to chop your mop, I DON'T WANT YOU.
F. If the last razor you ever used looked like a knife, I DON'T WANT YOU.
G. If you have more wrinkles on your face than my mother, I DON'T WANT YOU.
H. If you have ever called a person my age a "young'un", I DON'T WANT YOU.
I. If you cuss constantly about how everything is a mess, yet you lift no finger to fix/clean it, I DON'T WANT YOU.
J. If your fondest memory involves WW2, Vietnam, any car brand-new before 1977, or Marilyn Monroe, I DON'T WANT YOU.
K. If you're pissed-off at me for writing this and think first of calling AARP, I DON'T WANT YOU.
L. If you qualify for Medicare, I DON'T WANT YOU.
M. If you still wear black socks with shorts, I DON'T WANT YOU.
N. If half your house is falling in, and you DON'T care (or that's how you remember it being all your life), I DON'T WANT YOU.
O. If you still swear that outhouses are cleaner than bathrooms, I DON'T WANT YOU.
P. If ANY of your offspring are my age or older, I DON'T WANT YOU.
And last, Q. If you only have more teeth than me because they're fake, I DON'T WANT YOU!!!

Assuming reality is what it is, I hope to God this can only make it's point across. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, guys. Doesn't matter if you're a rich billionaire with no family, no friends, no heir, and one foot in the grave, because guess what? I STILL DON'T WANT YOU!!!

I Know What She Was Thinking.

She was thinking about money.

Being a single mom isn't easy, for anyone, least of all her. With her singing career nearly shot, a list of ex's longer than mine, and a less than perfect body (who has one after having that many kids?), it's no wonder that Britney was definitely thinking money. That performance last night was god-awful and she knows it. Remind yourself that she got paid for it, regardless of how bad it stunk. I don't just mean the VMA's paid her either. After a performance like that everyone will be wanting to talk to her, find out what's wrong, and of course, pay her again for coming. After the world finds out what's wrong, millions of her stupid subjects will send care packages. She's not as stupid as you guys take her for. Truthfully, if I were her, I'd do the same damn thing. Serves all those fans who turned their backs on her and laughed right. I'm not saying I'm a Britney fan, I just understand the kind of emotional state she's living in right now. It's tough to be in love with a man that cheats on you all the time, probably hates your guts, and laughs at you in public (knowing full-well that the paparazzi will pick up anything he says). Some people use all the publicity to their advantage, some ignore it, some try to hide from it, but Brit's just upset by it. It shows. I'm not about to fault her for that. We all get snippity sometimes, some more than others. All this shows that she's a very sensitive person and that everyone should back off, lest something really bad happen.

I have to throw props to the girl for one thing though. I love the fact that she didn't care about showing "the pouch" at such a heavily public event. Goes to show you guys that even though us mommies have babies, we are still beautiful, not fat. My props to you Brit.

F*cking MEN!!

Let me just start with a simple: "GRRR!" I'm officially ticked. Not like I don't get that way often, but it's really coming to a head now. I've thought back to the beginning of my dating career, and well, to say the least it's not pretty. Why is it so hard for me to find a decent person? Is it too much to want a man that's not only willing to work without bitching everyday about it or throwing it up in my face everyday, but to actually DEAL with it? I have a simple 6 thing list I use as a rule to find a man, unfortunately for me, I neglect to stick to it all the time. Stupid me. Here's the list:
(1) Don't date anyone completely unwilling to work.
(2) Don't date married men, under any circumstances.
(3) Don't date outside of your own race. (This one strictly beaten into my brain by my father all my life and closely based on the way one of my friends gets treated by her husband who is black, strictly meaning no offense here.)
(4) Don't date men who drink, do drugs, or have a detrimental criminal background.
(5) Don't date men who are uglier than Heath Ledger. (This is the one I break most often. Seconded by part of rule #4, men who drink.)
And last, but definitely not least (6) Don't date men old enough to be your father. (I've had 2 instances where I broke that one, unknown to my parents. Don't tell them.)

Currently, there aren't many people with whom I'm good enough friends with to confide in about such matters and thus, I get lost in my own self/heart/idiocy whatever you want to call it. Technically speaking, I may just be The Queen of the Bad Judges of Character. Crown me now. Please.
How funny, but thank you for the boost.

Anyone know how I can cure this, or better yet, is there any man that will prove to me that not all men are ugly, non-working, drunks who aren't old as dirt?

A&B Update: Half done with chapter 15, stumbling a little on the way everything should go, still need a antagonist.

Amazing Things I'm Not Sure I Can Do...

I know with my wonderful talents there are at least 93 things I am physically capable of doing not only well, but profitably. Now, one normally would look at me and say, "Then why not do them?" My simple answer is the same between people like me everywhere you go. Money. Currently I am technically unemployed, therefore "broke."

I am writing a novel, though it isn't finished yet and thus, cannot be published, because people don't buy half written books. If it isn't published, I don't profit from it. It's an unfortunate way to be, but every writer goes through the same run-around at some point or another. Take J.K. Rowling, she was dirt poor and "broke" before she completed her first Harry Potter book, look at her now. That's where I'm aspiring to get, eventually. Another difference between her and I, she only had about 70 or so characters that everyone could name and remember, I have twice that. It's harder than you think to sit down and devote your entire mind to a different world than that of where you live. Every character, species, and place has to have a different personality, not to mention different things going on with them that cannot in any way be based upon any other novel (for my lawyers sake). Also preparing the sequels of the book, which in my case, enumerate to about 9 (so far), very different from the Harry Potter series. The only real tangible thing that is nearly the same is that her books and mine occur in the magical realm. Other than that, I have one healthy, insanely huge undertaking. Praise me later.

Side note: After this post I've decided to generate updates on my progress throughout the book to update my possible fans on how it's coming.

That, shockingly isn't all that I could do for a living. I am very good at sculpting, but as everyone knows, not only does that take a massive amount of money (for supplies), but also time. Right now, every waking hour is taken up by my book or online doing research or blogs. I've thought very hard at using my book as a base for the sculptures, but that really wouldn't help me much at getting the books roots finished to have it published and subsequently land me a large enough fan base for an original sculpture to be cast.

I've also thought about making soap. Sounds simple right? Not really. I wanted to make soap that I'm not allergic to. Getting more difficult, eh? I am allergic to most soap fragrances (maybe it's all the chems), and so I wanted to plant an herb garden to use for the fragrance. I believe that's called organic soap. Maybe someone else could profit from it, but it (again) is such a large, time-consuming, undertaking. Maybe after the book.

Please don't think that I have ADD or something. I don't think I do, though I've never been expertly undiagnosed. I just have a whole slew of ideas that pop into my head every second I'm alive about stuff that has nothing to do with the things I am working on.

A&B Update: I've finished the Central and Southwestern land maps (for the front of the book) as well as completed the 14th chapter. Haven't established all the partnering order yet.





Once I get my copyright run through completely, I'll be able to release the title of the book as well as some of the plot lines, as of yet, it's not completed, so I'll be using A&B as the working title name. Forgive me.

Disturbing Memory Loss

Have you ever stayed up at night and thought back to all the stuff you can't remember for the life of you? I do it all the time. It kinda makes me me mad, you know. I know what my friend from high school's band name is, but I can't think of it to save my life. Back in the day I used to work with him at Pizza Hut on Rt. 17 in Fredericksburg. If he's reading this he knows who I am.

Back in HS we didn't really talk much, he was more a friend of my sister than anything. We pretty much were acquaintances, but when I met him about 5 years later at the Pizza Hut where we both worked, he seemed nicer. Maybe, because his wife was being super mean to him and he was glad he recognized someone. I dunno.

Come to think of it there are a lot of people I remember just as fondly, though I can't remember things about them that I should. Like my ex, Mike. I can't for the life of me remember his last name. And my other ex, Chris, I can't remember why we broke up. I also can't remember what my son's father looks like, I know his name and everything else, just can't remember his face. I should know these things. And I don't know them. It's not due to drug use, I know, because I don't use drugs. I'm completely drug-free. I feel very disturbed now. Oh well, stuff happens. Good night.

I Love Firefox

Hey, who doesn't? Everyone nowadays is putting up their favorite Firefox themes lists, so, I thought I'd do it, too. (My attempt at mild conformity)

My Top Ten Firefox Themes
(with previews and downloads)

#10. Pink Paula/PP2
Aaah! A girl developer that's proud to be a girl. I love this theme, because no other developer has truly embraced the fact that more than just men use the Firefox browser, much less the internet itself. Nice pink bubbly interface with ease of use. What more could you ask for?

#9. PinkHope
Sorry, guys. I know, another pink browser, but hey, it's for a good cause. PinkHope is based on the iPox interface (for now), but plans to make it into it's own format very soon. If you couldn't tell by the name, PinkHope is a breast cancer awareness browser theme, and thus, landed in my top 10. Did you know: It's creator is a guy? (kinda cool.)

#8. RedShift v.2
RedShift is awesome! I love my dark themes. They're getting increasingly harder to find, but the creator of RedShift has kept up his theme to be compatible with the new Firefox version upgrades. RedShift is the best, easiest to use, dark theme out there. All text and buttons are easy to see, yet not overwhelming, and the red highlights are all in the right places.

#7. Azerty III
Azerty III is more of a cartoony meets bubbles kind of theme, however, I'm a big kid at heart and I really really like it. I love the fact that not all the buttons are interface standard. The interface itself is very childish, yet easy to use and colorful to boot. Makes you feel happy when surfing the internet.

#6. Pimpzilla
Pimpzilla is (like the creator boasts) "the most tacky & overdone piece of GUI design ever." He says probably, I say definitely. I actually like it a lot though, as it does have some good redeeming qualities. It has relatively large buttons and easy to read text so you won't get lost in the sea of gold. I'm pretty tacky myself, and I love attempting to show everyone how cool I think I am, so we have our lovely #6 pick, Pimpzilla!

#5. Harley Davidson
Ever wanted to feel the wind in your hair, the rumbling in your crotch, the invigoration of gas-hogging, horsepower-insane man machines roaring down the freeway? Are you too geeky to ride a Harley, but always wanted to own one, if only just to stare at it or show it off to your friends? Why not just quench the thirst for thunder with this wonderfully manly theme? Enough said.

#4. Glowy Gold
A good (and pretty) hybrid between the flashy Pimpzilla and the dark RedShift with redesigned buttons and a very user-friendly interface. I'm using this one right now.

#3. Arctic Glow
A very "cool", modern art-like, contemporary theme. Mostly blue, very crystallized, dynamically sound and kind of freaky interface. Perfect for any blue lover anywhere (including me).

#2. ShadowThunder II Sunbeam
ShadowThunder II Sunbeam has got to be the most migraine-inducing theme ever created for Firefox. The reason I rank it so high is because my family can't stand to look at it and thus, very rarely attempt to peek at what I'm doing online. If you want the perfect theme that understands your need for privacy as well as usability, this is the one you're looking for. Sunglasses recommended.

#1. Miint
The utmost in contemporary design based for a work environment of pure bliss, Miint inspires you to remain calm even in the toughest of searching environments. The cool green theme is not so tame that you don't notice it, yet not so bright that it hurts to look at it. Green has always been a favorite color choice of mine and has always been a staple in peaceful design elements. The brighter of all of the neutral colors, Miint is the best theme to use if you want your cubicle to be the height of fashion and browsing comfort.


Download Firefox Now! Free!

Totally Pissed At Chat Room Goers

Everyone who is even mildly intelligent knows what I mean here. I am totally pissed off at AOL and other large IM/chat companies who just sit idly by and watch our country being overrun by complete bumbling idiots.

Take, for example, a tour of your AIM member created chat rooms. I did that last night. I won't do it again. All I did was ask anyone if they knew where any authors hung out on AOL and they told me where, right after I got 10,000 IMs popping up asking me if I made sex help books and if "I'd teach them a thing or two." Grrr! Look, I don't go into chat rooms to find love, a cheap date, or to have phone/IM/or real-life sex. I go there to get inspiration for my book. I have 134 characters and they all need to have more than just an evil, hate-filled personality. Right now I have 14 of my characters figured out based upon people in my family or people who are close to me, but not all of my characters can be based on people I know to be relate-able to other people. I'm not writing a book so my family will like it (I already know they do), I'm writing it so that nearly everyone will like it.

Bringing unrealistic characters to the table is like damning your characters to store shelves forever. I'd hate to do that to them. The very few (2) people I have based characters on in the book will get a note in the published book itself as a thank you. If you've ever wanted to be one of those people that big time people thank at an awards ceremony, then you'll let me get to know you more than just your appearance. I promise, you will all have your names (maybe if they're just screen names) in the thank you section of my book.